


Stars and Boulevards

by legomylarry



Series: Stars and boulevards [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legomylarry/pseuds/legomylarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is an awkward eighteen year old boy who has the ability to detect when someone’s lying. He can see right through their mask of bullshit, almost as easily as one can see through the simple lenses of an eyeglass. However, when Louis Tomlinson, who basically never lies, enters his life, things become more complicated than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Okay so I’m really excited about this story. I’m going to be writing it alongside my friend Penelope. This story is based on Dakota Skye, so please check that out! The pairings are Zayn and Harry, but then it’s Louis and Harry. I DO NOT OWN ONE DIRECTION OR THE MOVIE DAKOTA SKYE. That’s pretty much it man. Tell your friends. Happy readings.

My name is Harry Styles, I’m 18 years old, and I have a super power. No, I can’t fly or shoot lasers from my eyes, or any of that crap from the comic books. I know when someone's lying. When someone tells a lie, any lie, to me or to anyone, I know the truth. What they really mean. There are no lies in my world, or there is nothing but. I hear what people say to me and for some reason I just know the truth. I have no explanation, I’m just involuntarily cursed with the truth. Every superhero has an enemy, mine is Louis Tomlinson. No, he doesn't have the weird ability to tell when people are lying, as I do. He’s not a danger to humanity, and he doesn't have some sort of police record. He is just simply the guy that changed my life, the guy that I completely fell in love with. So in order for you to understand any of this, I have to tell you a story, a different story, not like the usual fairy-tale endings, a story about Harry Styles.

I realized that I had this power, or ability as you may, when I was 5 years old. My mom was an alcoholic. She was always out drinking, and I was always home with Des, my dad. I would ask Des why my mom never comes home to tuck me in before I’d go to sleep, and he’d simply say, “She’s working late again”. I knew the truth, she’s drinking her life out. My life pretty much went like that. I always knew the truth, and I just had to deal with it. Sometimes it would be useful, but more often than not, it was more of a curse. Yeah, taking advantage of this “gift” I have is wrong, but God, or whoever the hell is in charge up there, gave me this, so I might as well fucking use it. Though sometimes, I wish I wasn't this way. I wish I didn't know when someone was lying to me. I wish I didn't know that those guys that said they liked me only wanted a quick fuck. I wish I didn't know that a lot of fucking people hate my guts, or that they think I’m some fucking weird ass loser. I guess it’s pretty much my fault that mostly everyone hates me. I tend to distant myself from everyone, knowing the truth all the time can get overwhelming.

I’m not a total loser; I do have my best friends Niall, and Liam. Then again, I think the only reason they’re still my friends is because we've known each other since we were little kids. At this point I think they just pity me. And then there’s Zayn Malik, my boyfriend. He’s kind of the only reason people put up with my crap. He’s the captain of the football team, and the most popular kid in school. Though he’s gay, people don’t really care, he’s still king of the school. Anyways, I like Zayn; he’s nice and keeps me company. Now, he’s not one of those charming princes from those Disney movies, but he’s kind of all I have right now. I wish I did have a prince, someone who doesn't take me to eat at the same restaurant every night, and fucks me in the back of his truck after that. I do wish I had that someone who took me out on creative, somewhat romantic, dates. The biggest thing I wish for though is someone who never lies to me, but that person only exists in movies. Everybody lies. I learned that a long time ago.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Okay so I wrote this chapter alongside Penelope! I DO NOT OWN ONE DIRECTION. The pairings are Zayn and Harry for now (Louis’ coming later) and hints of Niall and Liam. Happy Readings.

My senior year of school started last week, and it’s already taking its toll on me. So that means I’ll be taking a lot of bullshit exams and getting more than enough bullshit homework. It’s times like that that makes me wish that, instead of knowing when people were lying, my superpower would be the ability to stop time. Then I could stop time whenever or wherever I wanted, and I’ll be able to just stop and take a breather. Like take the time to think about the answer for question six on this damn pop quiz, is it either a, or b. Or even to think about more important things.  
  
Sometimes I wonder what the future holds for me. What the fuck am I going to be doing in five years? Where the fuck am I going in life? I don’t plan on staying with Des for the rest of my life. That old man suffers too much crap because of me. I really hate how much he believes in me but I always end up letting him down. Either by never being at home and not telling him where I am when I’m not at home, or being piss drunk when I am at home.  
  
Some people think that because of the way I look and the people I hang out with, that I just don’t give a fuck about myself or anything. I do, you know? I want to go to college. I just don’t know what for yet. Maybe I should study to be an investigator. I could use my fucked up power for good. That would work fine, but that job seems too damn boring. Every day the same routine: Someone dies or some other fucked up shit, you do your detective duties, and maybe go home and sleep. I wouldn't like to be a part of a job that would have me doing the same routine over and over. Maybe I watch too much CSI, but that’s all that it seems like to me.  
  
Ha. Look at me, complaining about not wanting to work at a routine-type job. My own goddamn life in itself is a routine. I’m always doing the same shit every day. I am sick and tired of the usual. I’m sick and tired of everyone in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. One day, I would like to move to London. Where everyone is different, and I won’t really have to worry about what people say about me. I mean, I’ll still be cursed with this power, but it’ll be different. I’m not sure how, but it will be, I’ll make sure of that.  
  
“Mr. Styles I know you couldn't care less if you pass this class or not but can you at least stop staring into space and stare at your pop quiz and at least try.”, said Mr. Stewart, with as much indifference as a fucking corpse.  
  
Mr. Stewart is a stingy bastard, but I like him. Sometimes when I actually do pay attention in class, I tend to really listen to what he is saying. He’s always talking about going out there and doing something in life. He says life is too short to not explore. I guess he’s right, about exploring the world I mean. I wondered if he actually did ever go exploring, or is he just telling us all the things he regrets. From the looks of it, my bets on the latter.  
  
“Oi, Mr. Stewart? If the ceiling were space, I wouldn't just be staring at it. I’d go out and explore. Well you know, for a couple of milliseconds before I die from the lack of oxygen.”  
  
“Very clever, Styles, clever indeed, but you still got yourself detention.”  
  
The bell rings and I end up choosing b. As I walk to my locker I think about how much of an ass I can be. Here I am, first week of school and already got detention. I wonder what Des would think. Who am I kidding like I’ll even tell him about this.  
  
I laugh out loud at the thought, not even caring who hears me. Some kids turn around and I hear them whisper slurs. They suddenly stop, and I begin to think it’s because they finally got tired of being the assholes they are. Then I feel strong manly hands wrap around my waist and I know they shut up because of Zayn.  
  
“Hey baby. Wanna hang tonight?” asked Zayn, in his usual demeanor. He has a way of asking where you know you just don’t have a choice.  
  
“Sure. We always do anyways.”  
  
“Oh and what’s that supposed to mean? I thought you liked spending time with me?”  
  
“Nothing Z. So what are we doing today?” I said as we got into his red truck.  
  
He says he got it red to match the color or his Letterman jacket. Good thing he did that. He wears the damn thing every single day, so I bet some people caught on.  
  
“Hmm, I don’t know whatever you want baby.”  _I want to fuck you and eat at the pizzeria._  
  
“You wanna go to Pizzeria?” Am I degrading myself by giving him what he wants? Oh what the hell, I could use a quick fuck. He nods, and turns on the radio.

  
  
I feel him as he enters me. We are in his truck after hanging out at the pizzeria. As usual we just get right into it. I could feel the slick lube he used when he prepared me. I wish I could say that it’s slow and sensual. But it’s not. It's rough and hard, an-  
  
“Oh, Fuck!” He moans. “You are always so fucking tight, baby”  _You have been loose for a couple months now but you’re still a good fuck._  
  
“Just fuck me harder Zayn,” I say.  
  
He complies, starting to throw his body into each and every thrust, rocking his truck. He pulls out almost every time pushing in roughly. This is how it is every time, rough and quick. We usually don’t even take the time to take our clothes off.  
  
He keeps up his movements, getting satisfaction from the little noises that escape me every time his balls slap against my ass.  
  
“You feel so good,” he moans into my ear, creating shivers that run down my spine making my ass more sensitive to his administrations.  
  
He keeps going, keeping up the same rhythm the whole time. The whole truck was starting to smell of weed, sweat, and more than anything, sex.  
  
He’s taking longer than usual. Everything up until now was routine.

  
  
We got out of Zayn’s truck and walked to the pizzeria. We approached the door to the pizzeria and I found myself just staring at it. If I go inside of the pizzeria, I’ll continue on with the same routine, and nothings ever going to change.  
  
“I can easily turn around and go home,” I quietly whispered to myself. But as I was about to turn around and finally take a stand for myself, Zayn grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me inside. He put his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear,  
  
“Don’t try leaving so early babe; I still haven’t got my dessert.”  
  
He let go of me and winked at me flashing me that sly smile of his. Sometimes I just want to slap that stupid sly smile right off his lips. We walk to our table by the window, with a perfect view of Zayn’s truck. Zayn has this idea that someone would actually want to steal that piece of shit car of his. We find Niall and Liam, drinking their cokes and talking about the latest football game. Like always.  
  
“Hey Niall and Liam! I missed you guys at football practice today! Coach’s gonna kick you guys out if you keep it up.” Zayn said to them laughing ridiculously.  
  
“Oi! Is Zayn getting a little bit sensitive?” Liam said teasingly.  
  
I can bet what Zayn’s gonna do next. He’s probably going to punch him in the arm and say something dumb like always.  
  
“Nah man, the only person that’s sensitive here is little Harry. Right Harry?” Zayn said expecting me to agree.  
  
“Not really.” I said sipping on one of the cokes that Niall ordered for us.  
  
“Whatever. So where were you guys then?” Zayn asked. Liam’s cheeks turned red as hell. Was I the only one who notice that?  
  
“We just got high mate. I bought us a dime and we smoked it at my place.”  _We skipped practice to fuck in my basement._  
  
Niall was always such a good liar. Too bad, I can tell when he is lying. Maybe I should fuck with him, now that I know what they were really doing. I always wondered about him and Liam. They are always so inseparable. They are always sneaking off to “get high.”  
  
“Hmm, so who did you buy the gram from Niall? The only person we get it from is Josh, and he’s in juvie now so I don’t see where you could have gotten it from.” Maybe I shouldn’t of said that, because Liam looked as if he was about to explode any minute now and-  
  
“Dan. We got it from Dan.” Damn Niall was really good at lying.  _There was no weed._  
  
“Stop asking so many fucking questions and get me a pizza, I’m hungry.” Zayn said whining. God there’s nothing more that I hate than Zayn’s stupid whining.  
  
“You do have legs babe, why don’t you get up yourself?” I said glaring at him. I don’t know if something was in the soda I was drinking but I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline past through me.  
  
“You better quiet your smart little mouth Harry, or I’m gonna have to punish you.” Zayn said whispering the last words in my ear in what he thought were in a seductive manner.  
  
None the less he actually gets up and goes gets the pizza for once. Bad idea. He gets pineapple on it. I don’t like pineapple on my pizza, as a fruit yes, but never on a pizza.  
  
He also comes back with a bunch of napkins. He makes a great show of them, and I know exactly what he’s going to say.  
  
“These are for later,” he says making it seem like they are the most important thing for tonight.  
  
The other two laugh away at that so I go on to messing with them a little more.  
  
“Do you two need some too?” I ask innocently.  
  
Liam’s face turns an amazing shade of red. Niall on the other hand, remains relatively un-phased.  
  
“The fucks wrong with you Liam?” asks Zayn.  
  
“Nothing,” he says a little too quickly. I know what you are using those for and Niall and I could use them for the same reason.  
  
“Okay then,” Zayn says. “Oh! Guys, you should have seen this pass I made…”

 

  
I zone back in as his hips began to move much more erratically, letting me know he was on the edge of climax.  
  
“Harry, I am so close,” he said in his sex filled voice.  _I am close but I’m going to drag this out for as long as I can punish you for earlier._  
  
I start to play with my own cock, knowing that Zayn loves it when we finish together. He says he loves knowing that we have that effect on each other. What he really means is that he likes the feeling of my ass clenching around his dick.  
  
He slows things down, a nice rocking. As he slows down he leans in to connect our lips. It actually feels good as he hits my favorite spot with each motion he makes while his lips move in a dance against mine. His hand replaces mine around my dick and he starts going faster, both with his hand and his hips. Our lips break apart as the need for air gets to great. The only noises you could hear were the slapping of skin, the labored breathing, and the occasional moan. The hitches in his breaths let me know that he was close. Hell, I was close.  
  
“I’m about to cum,” I say in between heavy breaths.  
  
He starts to pump my dick faster, and before I know it I’m releasing my juices all over his hand in a blinding climax. He lets out a groan, and I know that he reached his end also. He stays there for a minute riding his high for a couple more seconds before he pulls out. He discards the condom before giving me a harsh kiss. He passes me a couple napkins from the restaurant to clean up.  
  
“So do you want me to drop you off at home, or are you staying the night with me, babe?” he asks.  _I want you to stay the night so we could have some wake up sex._  
  
“I’ll stay the night…” I say with a sigh.  
  
My boyfriend has so much tact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you enjoyed that. Also I know I did not mention it, but the things in italics after someone speaks is what Harry hears, so basically the truth.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! This chapter is probably going to be one of my favorite chapters ever just because you really get to see inside of Harry’s head and his perspective of life. I do not own One Direction or the film Dakota Skye. (sigh) LASTLY PLEASE READ OUR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! IT GOES ALONG WIT THIS CHAPTER. Happy readings.

I’ve been staring at the clock in Mr. Stewart’s class ever since detention started and I swear the clock hands have yet to move from 3:30. I can’t be in this classroom anymore. The constant ticking of the clock and the shoe tapping incessantly from the direction of Mr. Stewart are both driving me insane. I just can’t stay still for this fucking long. I need to move.  
  
I tried asking Mr. Stewart to go to the bathroom and he looked at me with a blank stare and said, “There’s no bathroom passes in detention. You should have thought of that before you got here, Mr. Styles.” (Actually there are bathroom passes. I’m just not going to give you one because I’m missing my favorite show to cover your detention.)  
  
What a fucking asshole. I don’t know why he’s complaining. He was the one who gave me the detention. Well mind you, I was being a bit of a sarcastic prick, but that’s just how I am. I shouldn’t get detention for being myself. That’s unreasonable.  
  
“Mr. Stewart, can I please leave? It’s been over an hour, and I haven’t been doing anything but sitting down on this chair. I don’t see how this detention is making any sort of impact.”  
  
“No you may certainly not leave Mr. Styles. This detention is to teach you discipline. Hopefully next time, you’ll keep your mouth shut and pay attention.”  
  
“But I’m not really learning any discipline! How is sitting down on a chair teaching me discipline? The only thing this stupid detention is teaching me is how to hold in my piss for an hour. Which by the way, it is not healthy at all! I can tell the principal on you, do you know that, Mr. Stewart.” I said to him with a cocky smile plastered on my lips.  
  
Maybe Mr. Stewart will grow tired of hearing my voice and let me leave.  
  
“What is your problem Harry? Do you think that being a smart ass is going to get you anywhere in life? Do you think that talking back to your teachers and acting as if you don’t care, is going to hide you from the fact that you’re nothing but a scared little boy who truly doesn’t know anything about who he is and what he wants in life? Do you Harry? It’s really not that simple, you keep this up and life will end up chewing you up and spitting you up before you can say reality check!” Mr. Stewart said to me, face turning red.  
  
Well I didn’t expect that. It’s funny how easily Mr. Stewart can see right through me, just as easy as I can tell when people aren’t telling the truth. Am I that obvious?  
  
“You don’t really know me. You can’t just say those things to me and pretend like you know everything about me. This is the first time you’ve ever took the time out to talk to me, and the only fucking reason you’re doing it is because we’re in detention and you have no choice but to do so. I’m not scared of anything. You don’t fucking know me.” I retorted back.  
  
I don’t know why I was getting so angry at him. He didn’t say anything wrong. Actually what he said was spot on. I guess the reason I was getting so angry was because for the first time someone was actually able to see right through me as if I was nothing but glass. I’ve taken up so much time building up all my brick walls; it’s frustrating to see that someone could turn them to glass in such short of time.  
  
“You’re right Harry. This is the first time I’ve talked to you. But you don’t think I notice and see the way you act or the things you do? I was just like you in high school, hanging out with the toughest blokes, using them for comfort. I know what it’s like to try to pass through life like it’s just a game. Life in high school seems like it’s all bullshit, and it really does suck. It’s why I became a teacher so that I can help kids who were like me. I want to be able to help you.”  
  
There was a short pause when neither of us said anything, then he continued.  
  
“Harry, is everything alright with you? Is there something bothering you? I… I know I’m probably the last person you would like to talk about your personal life with, but honestly, I’m here for you if you need me. I know what it feels like to feel as if you’re alone. I’ve been there before. The worst thing you can do is convince yourself that there isn’t anyone who cares. I know that there will always be someone who cares, even if it’s just a little bit.” Mr. Stewart said with a smile.  
  
I stood there looking at him motionless. I felt as if my whole life flashed through my eyes, yet I was numb and had no idea what to do or say. He is one of the first people to ever show this kindness. He is one of the very first people to come into my life and actually care. I feel like I could actually open up to him, but those thoughts immediately shut down. I barely know him, why should I tell him my life story.  
  
“To be honest Mr. Stewart, I have no idea what to say. You’re right about what you said. I just don’t… I’m not ready to open up yet. Is that okay?”  
  
I guess Zayn was right. I am getting sensitive. A bitter laugh escapes my mouth and Mr. Stewart looks at me and shakes his head. He probably thinks I’m crazy now.  
  
“That’s fine Harry. Just talk to me when you’re ready I guess. And try to do better. Don’t let yourself go, Harry. You may leave now.” Mr. Stewart said to me.  
  
He scribbled something down on a piece of paper, walked up to where I was sitting and handed it to me. It was his number.  
  
“If you ever need me for anything Harry, don’t hesitate to call, even if it’s four o’clock in the morning.” I will not be happy if you ever call me at four o’clock in the morning. He said, laughing awkwardly.  
  
“Now get going before I make you stay another hour.”  
  
“You know Mr. Stewart, you’re not a bad guy. Thank you.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever… Just leave already. Don’t be late to class tomorrow. And for God’s Sake, pay attention?”  
  
“You got it Mr. S. Sorry I made you miss your TV show.” He looked at me with a confused look and an awkward smile on his face and waved goodbye.  
  
~*~  
  
After my talk with Mr. Stewart I had a lot of thinking to do. Three months of thinking to be exact. Those three months passed by with me in a daze. I followed the exact same routine; go to school, wait for Zayn after practice, go to pizzeria, get fucked, go home or stay at Zayn’s. On the weekends I would spend them all at Zayn’s. It was always the same routine, except with one extra factor. I was always thinking. About everything, my life, my future, my routine, my relationship, there was no end to my thinking. My thinking sometimes hurt when I got into sensitive subjects. It hurt so bad that I chose to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes my thinking was confusing, because in my head I seemed to be running around in a circle. Everything just seemed so God damn redundant. Sometimes I found myself just thinking about thinking. But through all my thinking, I came to one major conclusion. My routine needed to end.  
  
Christmas is around the corner. Snow was finally cascading from the sky and being collected by the hard ground. I have so much time to think, but my thinking has been taken over by one thought: I hate Christmas. Not that I like to talk about it, but it comes with too many disappointments during “the best time of the year”. I haven’t had a Christmas wish in years, but mine this year is for my routine to be broken.  
  
“Hey, sir-thinks-a lot,” Z says, trying to get my attention. Guess people are noticing that my mind has become a personal prison to me.  
  
“Yeah Z?” I answer, not looking up from the magazine I was pretending to read.  
  
“You’re gonna be at my Christmas party next Saturday right?”  
  
“What else am I supposed to do?”  
  
“Find somewhere else to live,” he says snidely. “Somewhere that isn’t my basement.”  
  
Fucker I think. You’d think he appreciate me being there.  
  
“But then you’ll lose your fuck toy, babe,” I say with a grin.  
  
That’s another thing that I have figured out in all my thinking. That’s all I really am to Zayn. We say our “I love you’s” to each other, but neither one of us means it. We just use each other for the company and sex. I think that if either one of us found someone else who makes us feel a spark, we’d jump their bones as fast as we can. But in the meantime this is all we really have.  
  
I feel his arms tighten around me.  
  
“You mean more to me than that,” he says. (You’re pretty spot on, but if I admit it then I’d seem like a douche.)  
  
“Aww, I love you babe,” I say with a kiss. My life is a web of lies.  
  
“I love you too,” he whispers back. (Only as a friend, and when you’re sucking my dick.)  
  
“But yeah I’ll go to the party.” Lies, nothing but fake smiles, and endless pretending.  
  
I’ll have nothing else to do. Not like I would be celebrating it with Des. Why not go to a party and get drunk, high and fucked. Sounds a lot better than wallowing away with “Christmas Cheer”.  
  
~*~  
  
Saturday came sooner than I expected it to. Zayn had been going on and on about the Christmas party that he was throwing, and soon enough the 25 people he had invited ended up being roughly 70. I ended up at his house well before the party, to “help him set up.” In other words he wanted a quick fuck before the party.  
  
Just knowing that most of the people going to his party are the same people who judge me and say nasty things about me everyday when Zayn isn’t around makes me want to vomit. If it wasn’t for my massive pride, I wouldn’t have gone. Zayn said that it’ll be good for me, to dance and have fun. I don’t really see how he cares enough of my welfare to actually think about what’s good for me. I now find myself on one of Zayn’s busted up couches in his basement with a red plastic cup in my hand filled with something that Niall made me for the fifth or sixth time. For all I know it could contain Liam’s jizz.  
  
His basement is crowded. It’s only about two hours into the party. There are people piss drunk grinding to the beat of the dub-step music in the middle of the room, others frantically making out in crowded corners, some have the decency to find a room or go back to their cars. The rest are already passed out on the couches and floor. It was a mess. There are people everywhere, even worse garbage, and luckily a girl made it to the bathroom on time before she spewed everywhere. I have yet to see Zayn since the starting of the party. I get up from the couch and make my way through the massive crowd.  
  
Some blonde bloke from my math class, pulls me in for a dance. He presses his ass to my crotch, and starts grinding his hips with the rhythm of the music. I pull him off of me, just as quickly as he had grabbed me. Last week he was just commenting on how horrible I was looking and how much of a freak I was, and now he wants to grind on me? What a fucking dickhead. God I want to get out of here. I promised Zayn that I’ll stay for the night, but honestly I haven’t even seen him yet, and I’m not enjoying myself at all. I might just break that promise, not that he seems to be missing me. If he was then I wouldn’t be the one trying to find him.  
  
I finally get out of the drunk and ridiculously sweaty crowd and make my way up the stairs to the living room to see if I could find Zayn. Luck shines on me, and I find him there. He’s sitting on the couch with his arms lazily draped around some guy. So this is what he was doing. Flirting with some punk bloke with way too many tattoos. I feel sick to my stomach.  
  
“So you beg for me to come to your stupid Christmas party, and you leave me all alone to flirt with this bloke? That seems fair.”  
  
I don’t know why I was getting so mad. I think it has to do with the fact that the guy Zayn was talking to was really attractive. Why am I even getting jealous? It’s not like I actually love the guy. It might be the alcohol getting to me at this point. Niall must have gone a little crazy with the vodka in this one.  
  
“Woah, calm down there Harry. This is my mate, Tommo. His ass finally decided to visit me after like what, 2 years?” Zayn said chuckling.  
  
I was waiting to hear the truth, but it never came. ‘Tommo’ is actually only Zayn’s friend. That’s a bit shocking to me to be honest.  
  
“Oh? Well in that case I’m sorry.” I said to him, honestly feeling a bit bad that I assumed that he was flirting with another guy.  
  
I don’t really see the point in my guilt, neither one of us cares much for one another. It’s times like these that I don’t really get why we’re together. With all the thinking I’ve been doing, the thought of breaking up with him has crossed my mind, more times than I would ever admit to him.  
  
“Yeah, whatever.” Zayn said, dismissing my apology and turning around to converse with Liam and Niall.  
  
It’s as if they are liked by my own boyfriend more than I am. They get to hang out up here with Zayn, while I get ditched downstairs. All this is in favour of this ‘Tommo’.  
  
I find myself staring at this ‘Tommo’ figure. Damn, he is a pretty bloke. I would have been flirting with him too if I had the chance. He almost looked like a porcelain doll. A porcelain doll with tattoos, that is. His hair really struck out to me. He had this real cool quiff going on.  
  
He had this dark look about him, yet he looked so inviting. ‘Tommo’ coughed awkwardly and snapped me out of my staring. My cheeks turned to a deep shade of red when I realized that I was being so obvious about my staring.  
  
“You’ve been staring at me for a long time, mate. Don’t tell me I’ve got something on my face?” Tommo says to me, wiping off imaginary things from his face.  
  
“Ah sorry mate. I didn’t mean to.” I said chuckling a little shifting from side to side.  
  
“My names Louis Tomlinson by the way.” He said to me flashing a bright smile and offering his hand to shake. I shook his hand back. They were so small compared to my big ones.  
  
“I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.” I responded back.  
  
“Enough with the chit chat, guys. Harry why don’t you fetch me a beer?” Zayn said to me, more telling than asking.  
  
“I’m not your dog, Zayn. It’s your party, and I’m your guest. Do it yourself.”  
  
“Babe please just get me a beer?” (Get me a fucking beer and stop being so damn annoying.)  
  
I ended up just getting him the beer just so I wont have to hear his stupid voice.  
  
“Here’s your beer.” I said after going to the kitchen and getting him one. Zayn wasn’t even paying attention to me.  
  
“Here’s your beer!” I say it louder this time. He’s still not paying attention to me, to engrossed in the conversation he was having with Niall. I could see Louis raise an eyebrow at this situation.  
  
“Zayn!” I scream this time.  
  
“What do you want Harry?” I wave the beer in front of his face.  
  
“Oh, you fetched me my beer. Well you took too long so I don’t really want it anymore. You can keep it, I don’t care.” He said, barely looking at me.  
  
I feel my body boiling up with rage. I can’t fucking believe him. He makes me get him a beer and then he says he doesn’t want it anymore?  
  
I end up throwing the beer can on the floor, rushing out of the house, not even caring that he was calling my name. I should have gotten my coat because fuck, it is freezing outside.  
  
~*~  
  
The cold winter air hits my face, and I feel shivers run down my spine, but I’m not going back inside. Where am I going to go now. I begin walking to the direction of my house, figuring that I had no other options, when I hear someone calling me. It was hard to walk with the ice and the fact that the alcohol is hitting my system hard now. I was hoping the fresh air could help that. I just kept walking, but the person keeps on calling my name so eventually I turn around, and it’s Louis Tomlinson staring back at me making a motion for me to stop walking. I could see he’s holding my coat.  
  
“Finally, I’d been calling your name since you threw the beer all over my feet,” he said matter-of-factly. I felt kind of guilty when I realized he wasn’t lying.  
  
He hands me my coat, and I shrug it on. The warmth is welcome in the frosty air. We continue walking down the street and we end up at a little park. I barely stumbled so far, so that’s a good thing. He wipes down two swings and we end up swinging gently. We don’t say anything before I realize that I should probably apologize about the beer.  
  
“Hey, I’m really sorry about the beer,” I say with a glance at his shoes. Or should I say Zayn’s shoes.  
  
“Look, it’s fine Zayn was being a right twat,” he said. Not a lie. “I don’t really blame you for reacting the way you did. I probably would have done the same if I was in your position. He’s changed quite a bit since I left.”  
  
“What do you mean he’s changed?”  
  
“He never used to be so un-caring. I heard from Niall and Liam that he’s kind of the king of the school. I think it might be getting to his head. Before, when he was still in the closet and dated girls, he used to turn over the world for them. Now he’s bullshit fake. Kind of a piss off, really.”  
  
“How well did you know him?”  
  
“Well our parents used to live beside each other, and our mums would always host the neighborhood play dates together. We were a year apart but that never bugged us. We had been friends up until two years ago when my dad got a job up in Doncaster. We moved and he and I barely ever talked. I decided to come up and see my grandma for the holidays, heard about the party, and decided to crash it. It feels like I don’t even know him. I actually couldn’t believe the way he was treating you. Is he always like that?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ve actually been thinking of breaking up with him. It’s always the same with him. He does all this, and then he come crawling back. Add that to the fact that I don’t really have anyone else, and it ends up being a cycle of yes’s and no’s with him. I want so much to break the routine of it all, but that’s easier said than done.”  
  
“I know what you mean, but you can’t actually think you have no one else.”  
  
“But how do you know that? Holmes Chapel is so small. There is such a small population, and more importantly, almost none of them are gay.”  
  
“Does it really matter if there is anyone? If it’s that important to you, come live with me in Doncaster. I actually wouldn’t mind having you live with me.”  
  
It’s with that sentence that I realize that he hasn’t lied once during the conversation. No one in their right minds would want to live with me. So how in the world is it that Louis hasn’t lied to me. Maybe the alcohol is making my lie detector all wonky. Maybe I should see how it is.  
  
“Just say that the weather is hot, please,” I say to him.  
  
“Why, it’s fucking freezing out here,” he retorts.  
  
If I were to push him to lie, it would get kind of awkward, so I decide to take a more subtle approach.  
  
“So, you going to Uni this year?” I ask.  
  
“Nah took a year off to just breathe a bit. I’ve been working the odd jobs here and there, just to keep my parents happy.”  
  
“What do you want to take?”  
  
“I don’t know yet,” he says. There isn’t a lie there.  
  
“How can you not know?”  
  
“I just don’t. I haven’t found what interests me enough to go to school again yet. Been hoping that I’ll figure it out sooner or later.”  
  
“You single?” I ask. I actually have no idea where that came from.  
  
“Most just spend my time fucking around, kind of a man-whore. Haven’t had someone who has been about to lock me down.”  
  
Not a single lie. What’s going on here? How is it that someone can’t lie? It’s human nature to do so.  
  
“I’m cold so I’m going back,” I say, kind of pissed off at either the lack of his lying or my lack of ability.  
  
“Going back, or going back to him?” he asks sincerely.  
  
“Fuck you.” I say and start quickly walking away.  
  
That is, until I slip on some ice and end up on my ass.  
  
“Oh! Harry, you alright man?” he calls out as he rushes over to where I’m now sitting on the ground.  
  
“Yeah, I’m just peachy keen,” I snap out at him.  
  
I try to get up but the mix of alcohol and ice don’t work out.  
  
“Need a hand?” He reaches out.  
  
I almost let my pride win out, but I still end up taking his hand in the end. His hand is warm and soft. There are long lithe fingers. He helps me back up to my feet, but he doesn’t let go of my hand right away. I actually don’t mind.  
  
“Your hand is so cold,” he almost whispers to me.  
  
“Yeah, I know I can feel my own hand thanks.”  
  
I don’t get why I was being so short with him, it could be the fact that I was embarrassed and the alcohol in my system can’t be helping much either. He keeps holding my hand and leads me back towards Zayn’s house. I still didn’t want to face Zayn. The moment we got into view of the house he finally let go of my hand. I missed it. Zayn rarely ever holds my hand. Zayn rarely ever performs any kind of physical contact with me, other than that certain kind of “physical contact”.  
  
I burst out laughing to myself, earning myself a weird look from Louis.  
  
“You are so drunk. Common let’s get you to bed.”  
  
That’s all I can remember the next morning. From the looks of Zayn, it’s all I want to remember in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a pretty long chapter. I really hope you guys enjoyed that! I’m so happy that Louis’ cute ass is finally in the picture. (;


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this chapter is brutally honest. No lies, just the sad truth. Is it even possible to own One Direction with 50 dollars and a Burger King coupon? I don’t think so. Anyways, happy readings.

I wake up to the smell of burned toast and coffee. I don’t know what is more unpleasant; that horrible smell, or the fact that I’m laying naked in a bed that I’m not quite sure who it belongs to yet. My body is all sticky and I feel disgusting. I really need to take a shower, but maybe I should find out where the fuck I am first. Was I that drunk last night? The last thing I remember is that guy –what’s his name again?– oh right Louis, walk me to someone’s house. I crack open my eye and I look around the room. I see red cups and scattered clothes all over the place. It almost looks like a party was being held here. Oh right, Zayn’s party. Memories from last night start coming back to me, and I realized that I’m not in a strangers bed, but Zayn’s bed, and that’s just as worse.  
  
I get out of Zayn’s uncomfortable bed and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. Zayn’s bathroom is always so damn dirty. He has towels and toilet paper everywhere, and his bathroom tiles have this brown stain on them. I tip-toe my way to the tub and I turn on the shower head to cold. Not even the freezing water dripping down my skin can make me feel any less disgusting. I can’t believe I actually let him sleep with me last night. After how horrible he treated me at his party, I still let him fucking use me.  
  
I scrub my body harder with the soap until my body starts to burn and ache. What is wrong with me? Why do I let people use me? A chocked sob escapes my mouth and I sink down to the bottom of cold tub, gripping onto it's glass walls. I can’t help but to cry. I hate crying, it makes me feel weak. I lay there until my fingers and toes get numb from the water. I get up and wrap one of the cleaner looking towels around me. As I stare at my reflection in the mirror, a bitter laugh escapes my mouth.  
  
“I can’t believe what I’ve become,” I whisper to myself and walk out of the bathroom. I throw on some of Zayn’s clean clothes and walk into the living room to get my coat. It smells of alcohol and piss.  
  
I can feel Zayn’s eyes burning on me. I don’t want to turn around. I’m not going to turn around. I begin to walk out the door when Zayn calls my name. I turn around.  
  
“Where do you think you’re going, Harry? Didn't you enjoy yourself last night? We went at it twice.” Zayn says to me with a laugh.  
  
“Well I wouldn't know if I had enjoyed myself anyways because I was fucking drunk, Zayn. You took advantage of me.” I say, desperately trying not to cry. I needed to be strong.  
  
“Oh please, don’t play the victim here. I didn't ’take advantage’ of you. You fucking let me. Yea you were drunk, but you’re still conscious when you’re drunk.” So I really did let him.  
  
“You’re fucking disgusting Zayn. It doesn't matter if I was conscious or not, point is I didn't want to have sex with you. You knew I wasn't sober, and you knew very well that I was fucking mad at you, Zayn! If I let you, it was because I was pissed drunk, Zayn. You didn't even fucking care. You just fucked me regardless of how I was feeling.” I am not as strong as I think I am. I can feel tears falling down my eyes.  
  
“Harry you’re not a fucking baby, okay? You’re old enough to know what you’re doing. Alright, I’m sorry I had sex with you last night. Please don’t leave me? I made you breakfast.” He really was sorry.  
  
“You burned the breakfast.”  
  
“I did. Are you going to stay, or did I make you breakfast for no reason?” Zayn says with a laugh.  
  
“No I’m leaving. Making me breakfast for the first time doesn't make everything okay. It shows that you knew it was wrong to begin with, and that you know you shouldn't have done it. I’m tired of getting used by you,” I say.  
  
I zip up my coat and walk out of the house, slamming the door as hard as I could.  
  
He didn't even bother to call for me again.  
  
“Look who’s making the walk of shame,” says a voice to my left on the porch.  
  
I turn and there is Louis, a cigarette sticking out of his mouth. One of the few things that I do remember from last night is the fact that it seems like he never lies. I wipe my tears.  
  
“I’m sure you’ve made it enough times.”  
  
“Yeah I have,” Louis says with a laugh.  
  
“How many?" I ask trying again to catch him lying.  
  
“I honestly don’t know.”  
  
There wasn't a lie again.  
  
“How can you not know?”  
  
“I have slept with so many people and ended up in a strangers bed so many times. After a while you lose count and you give up trying to keep track of it all.”  
  
“Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were a man-whore.”  
  
“No, but you never mentioned you were.”  
  
At that my anger spikes again. How could he have the nerve to say that? I can’t believe he would say that to me. I guess he heard the yelling.  
  
“You know what? Fuck you. I don’t fucking need this.”  
  
I start walking down the front lawn. I turn around and say,  
  
“For the record, slut, he’s the only fucking person that I've let fuck me. The only person. So fuck you.”  
  
I don’t think I have ever walked home so fast.  
  
~*~  
  
Three days passed by and I did not once leave my room. I couldn't leave my room. I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I knew that as soon as I left my room I would have to face reality. Reality fucking scared me more than anything. Des tried to talk to me, but I refused to listen. I didn't even want to eat. He would still come to my room and bring me food though. They went straight to the garbage bin.  
  
I don’t know why I was acting that way, really. All he wanted was to comfort me, but I just didn't really want to open up quite yet. I know he won’t judge me, but it’s just a scary feeling to me to tell people how I actually feel.  
  
I hear a knock in the door for the fifth time today. I already know who it is.  
  
“Dad, please just leave me alone. I promise you I am not hungry.”  
  
“Harry you haven’t eaten in three days. You think I don’t notice that you throw away all the food I make for you in the garbage? Please just talk to me.”  
  
“I can’t…” I heard him come in my room. I can smell the lemon tea he had made me. He always made me lemon tea when he knew I was upset. To be honest, I really missed long chats with my dad.  
  
“I got you lemon tea. It’s your favorite.” Des says with a warm smile, passing me the mug.  
  
“Thank you, Dad.” I didn't even notice how grumpy and croaky my voice was. I guess that’s normal if you've been crying for days.  
  
“You’re welcome, bud.”  
  
There’s a comfortable silence for a bit until Des envelopes me in a warm hug. I didn't know how badly I needed that until now. Tears start rushing out my eyes and I grip onto his checkered shirt. We sit like that for an hour until I finally stop crying.  
  
“Dad, what have I become? Look at me, I’m such a mess. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.” It was hard to admit that to him. Why am I so scared of opening up?  
  
“It’s okay not to know, Harry! You’re only 18, you've got your whole life ahead of you. You can do anything you want son, and I’ll be proud of you for that. I promise I won’t judge you.” Des says, wiping the hair away from my face.  
  
“Really Dad?” Should I trust him? I'm not going to tell him about my powers, – I’m not even sure if I ever will tell anyone– but should I tell him about what happened? I guess if there’s anyone I can trust, it would be him.  
  
“Harry please open up to me. Please, you can trust me.” He wasn't lying.  
  
“I let Zayn use me countless of times. I know he doesn't really love me, and I don’t love him either but I let him use me.” I say, choking back tears again.  
  
“Oh Harry.” he hugs me tighter. “Now I’m not going to give you any sympathy because I know that’s the last thing you want. You’re going to listen to every word I tell you, yeah?”  
  
I nod. I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.  
  
“You need to leave that boy, Harry! He is no good for you. And I know he’s not the only one to blame here, because you messed up too, but he encourages you. That’s not good at all Harry! Look how horrible you've been feeling lately. You need someone who actually cares about you. I’m sorry to say this, but Zayn does not give a damn about you. Why are you so afraid of leaving him, Harry?”  
  
“I…don’t really know?” Des laughs at me. It’s alright, I laugh at myself too. “I guess I just don’t like being alone Dad. Being alone seems so scary, ya know?”  
  
“Oh trust me, Harry, I know. Being alone sucks, but you’d rather be with someone who treats you like crap than be alone, Harry? You need to leave him.”  
  
“I know. I've been trying to, I just can’t seem to get the words out. Thanks for everything Dad, I love you.”  
  
I think those last words took him by surprise because he looked as if he wasn't even sure I said it. I don’t even remember the last time I told him that I love him.  
  
“I love you too, kiddo.” He says with a big smile on his face. I can’t remember the last time I saw that too.  
  
“Harry why don’t you go shower, and I’ll make you some chicken soup. You always loved my chicken soup when you were a little kid.”  
  
“Okay dad. Thank you again.” I say to him, finally feeling okay.  
  
“Any time.”  
  
~*~  
  
I took a very long shower. An hour and a half long shower to be exact. This time the water wasn't freezing, but warm. I throw on some old PJ trousers and an oversize jumper and go downstairs into the kitchen to eat that chicken soup my dad had made for me.  
  
What I see when I walk into the kitchen is something I did not expect. Louis Tomlinson is sitting on my stool, eating my chicken soup, talking to my dad. How dare he? After what he said to me, he has the balls to come to my house and eat my chicken soup?  
  
I interrupt their idle chit chat with a loud cough.  
  
“Can I ask what you’re doing here?” I say after a small silence.  
  
“I wanted to see if you’re all right, no one has seen or heard from you since the morning after the party.”  
  
“There’s a reason for that, you know,” I say, grabbing a stool and a bowl of soup. I grab the salt, and my dad rolls his eyes before saying,  
  
“I’m really sorry, Harry, but work’s just called me in, I was looking forward to some ‘us’ time. Maybe tomorrow, yeah?”  
  
“Yeh, I was looking forward to it too,” I look over at Louis pointedly, hoping he’d get a hint. “See you soon, dad.”  
  
My dad leaves and I eat my soup in silence. I know that Louis wants me to talk, but I’m going to make him wait as long as I could.  
  
He had finished his bowl, so he gets up and puts it in the dishwasher. I guess he just wanted me to talk so he puts it on the bottom shelf; everyone knows it goes on the top one. I still don’t say anything though. He takes to leaning against the counter and just glaring at me.  
  
“So what are you going to do about Zayn?”  
  
I’m startled by the fact that this is how we are going to start our conversation.  
  
“What do you care? I’m apparently just as much of a man-whore as you are.”  
  
He scoffs.  
  
“Look I’m sorry about that, for some reason I just didn't realize that it wouldn't be the time to joke around.”  
  
He doesn't lie, which kind of pisses me off. There is no way he didn't hear the yelling. I end up stating this.  
  
“I know, but I thought I would try to lighten the mood, joke around a bit, you were bawling, mate.”  
  
“I don’t think in any context or any conversation, that’s the right time to go calling someone a whore.”  
  
“Bit hypocritical of you, don’t you think? You did call me it first.”  
  
“I was only saying what you told me the other night on the swings.”  
  
He blushes, and if it wasn't for the fact that I really hate him right now, I would say it was rather cute. But I hate him, so it wasn't cute at all.  
  
“I kind of hoped you wouldn't remember everything from that night,” he says quietly.  
  
“I didn't at first, but after mulling it over for a few days, yeah I do.”  
  
We don’t talk for a few minutes. I've finished my soup so Louis grabs it and puts it away for me. This time he puts it in the right place and moves his bowl also.  
  
“So what are you going to do about Zayn?”  
  
“ I've been thinking of that too these past few days.”  
  
“And…”  
  
“I still don’t know.”  
  
“I really am sorry for what I said. It was stupid of me,” he says out of nowhere.  
  
“Yeah, it really was,” I say back to him, jokingly.  
  
“I’m serious though, I am sorry.”  
  
“I know you are, I probably know you are more than you do.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean,” he says with a frown.  
  
“Never mind, would you like a cup of tea?” I ask avoiding the question.  
  
“Yeah, I’d love one.”  
  
I go about making some tea for the two of us. I get it ready without the two of us talking. It’s not an awkward silence either, and we sit there comfortably while the tea kettle warms up. It’s when our tea is in front of us before anything is said again.  
  
“Can I give you some advice about Zayn?” he asks tentatively.  
  
“Go ahead, I can’t seem to figure it out on my own so…”  
  
“Leave him.”  
  
“Well then, someone has a lot of tact.”  
  
“I’m serious Haz.”  
  
I look at him funny. No one has ever called me Haz before. I actually don’t mind it. Well not from Louis anyway. Wait, what?  
  
“I mean, he doesn't love you, and you don’t love him. You pretty much said so yourself. All he does is use you, and you use him. It’s really a pathetic relationship, and it isn't doing you, or him, any good. I’m a close friend of Zayn's and even I think that this is all wrong. It’s not right what the two of you do to each other. I have to be honest, it does seem to be his fault most of the time, but you can sometimes be blamed for some of it too. Zayn and I had quite a long talk and he seems to think that what he does is okay, but more than that, you let him.”  
  
He doesn't lie, and that in itself is quite unnerving. Add that to the fact that he is so spot on, it kind of creeps me out a bit. Not only that, but it’s the same thing my dad said. Maybe I should take their advice.  
  
“Yeah but…”  
  
He cuts me off. I wonder for a slight moment if he can read my mind.  
  
“He’s not the only guy in the world. I know how it feels, thinking he could be. When I was with an ex of mine, it felt like they were the only one, no matter how badly they hurt and treated me.”  
  
“Hurt… treated… what do you mean?”  
  
“I think you know… and that’s not the point. The point is, there are going to be plenty of guys out there, just waiting for an amazing guy like you. Waiting for someone with soft hands, beautiful green eyes, smooth curly hair…” He trails off, and he puts his head down to hide his blush. But I see it.  
  
It’s cute.  
  
I really don’t know what to think. He makes me seem like an amazing person, but yet, I know I’m not. Zayn makes a point of it to show me that I’m really not. Also, what’s this about that relationship? Was it abusive?  
  
“Look, it may seem hard right now, but it’s not the end of your life after high school.”  
  
“You’re not the first to tell me that.”  
  
“Well then I must know what I’m talking about. When I was in high school, I thought four years and it’s done, this is life right here. So when I met Robin, I thought it was forever right there. But it took me until it was too late, and I was in too deep, to realize that it wasn't. I don’t regret that part of my life, but I do regret the fact that I let it consume me.”  
  
He has a couple of tears in his eyes and I just couldn't take it anymore. I get up to give him a hug. He smells so fresh, so new. It feels nice hugging him. Zayn isn't affectionate, and neither is Des, but Zayn is the worst. So when he hugs me tight, it’s refreshing.  
  
Suddenly he lets go.  
  
“Look I've got to go; I have other things to do.”  
  
His change in demeanor is kind of giving me whiplash. One second he’s spilling his heart out, the next he’s this sassy, stone-hearted hottie. Where did that come from?  
  
“Umm… okay.”  
  
He leaves with barely a goodbye. As he’s walking down the path in my front yard, I realize that I could potentially have feelings for him.  
  
Later on, when I’m sitting on my bed trying to distract myself from things that don’t remind me of Louis–and that is a very hard task because everything seemed to remind me of Louis –I realize that maybe, just maybe, throughout all of the hustle of this week, I might have developed feelings for Louis.  
  
Oh god, I think I like Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Harry, how easily you fell for Louis. I mean I would too! Have you seen that ass? Damn.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 all up in this story! Right so this chapter is a bit smutty, but not so crazy. Just blowjobs and face fucking. This chapter is a bit rushed and I apologize for that! This is kind of a filler chapter but not really? Anyways, Penelope and I hope you guys enjoy reading this! If I owned One Direction, their attire would only consist of boxers and top hats. Happy Readings.

It felt as if someone was pressing wet sloppy kisses down my neck. I open my eyes to see that it was real; Louis God-Damned Tomlinson was sucking his way down my jugular, leaving red little marks, while tugging at my shirt. I lift my arms and let him slowly slip it off. His shirt and pants are already off, lying shapeless at our feet.

  
He pushes me down on my bed gently, moving up to kiss me. I make to ask him why he was doing these things but then his soft pink lips touch mine and they just feel so right and taste so good, that nothing can come out.

We stay like that for a while, lazily kissing each other. I can feel his hands trailing up my thigh, inching closer to my belt. He begins to fumble with it, still kissing me sweetly. He finally gets it unhooked, and takes out my belt and throws it on the floor along with my shirt, and socks that I had kicked off earlier. He takes both of his soft hands and places them on my cheeks. He deepens the kiss, moving his tongue in my mouth in a circular motion; around and around and around. My back arches with a loudmoan.

He stops kissing me and zips down my trousers, and with one quick tug, he takes them off and throws them on the floor. We’re both in our boxers now; our aching members clearly obvious. His kisses begin to trail down my neck, down to my collarbones where he sucks and bites on them. He trails lower to my chest, kissing me all over until he reaches my left nipple. He flicks it with his tongue, and sucks on it, while twisting my other nipple. All of this just feels so sensational and I can already feel my boxers getting wet from the pre cum.

I run my hands down his hard chest and I feel something cold and metallic. I look up to his chest and see that it’s a nipple ring.

My hand has been playing with the nipple ring and my other had taken to running my fingers through his hair. His kisses start getting lower until they are just under my bellybutton. At this point, I want him so badly I kind of start jerking my hips up to him. He chuckles before a “Slow down, hotstuff,” is whispered out. Grabbing both my hands in one of his, with a small chuckle, he lays them gently on my stomach, effectively leaving them useless and me frustrated even more.

He kisses, sucks, and licks his way up and down both my thighs for what seems like an eternity. If he doesn’t hurry, I might just cum right here and now. I need some sort of friction and he won’t let me touch myself, let alone touch it himself.

He starts palming my cock through my boxers, and after letting my hands go, massaging my balls with his other hand. He orders me to take them off and so I do. I finally feel his tongue snake out and lick one of my balls, sending shivers up and down my spine. He does the same to the others and I lose most coherent thoughts. In my oblivious state he finally starts touching me where I need it the most. He thumbs at the slit of my cock and jerks it up and down with his other hand. He brings his mouth to it, slowly licking the sides, until he reaches the slit again. He flicks it with his tongue a couple of times before finally taking it in his mouth. He sucks at the head for a while, before taking me in whole, bobbing his head up and down. I groan out a “faster.” He complies, bobbing his head even faster while playing with my balls. He stays in that rhythm, sucking, and licking up and down occasionally until he pulls out with a pop.

I’m about to ask what was wrong when I feel him push up with my hips, and I understand that it’s my turn to do the work. I start thrusting into his mouth even harder, but he doesn’t stop taking and sucking me in. Actually, the faster and harder I thrust, the more he licks and sucks.

I start to feel the familiar sensation of my insides coiling, letting me know that I was real close. I tell him so. He starts to bob his head faster and faster until I start cumming down his throat. He swallows it without hesitation. I ride my orgasm out, a wonderful sensation.

I look down at him, grinning. He looks back at me and says,

“Okay, Harry, time to wake up now, time to open presents.”

His voice sounds strangely like Des’. That’s when I open my eyes to see Des shaking me to wake up.

“You awake? Good now get up and take a shower, I want you to open your presents,” Des says with a smile.

“Oh! And you can wash your sheets later today,” he says before leaving my room.

That dream has been reoccurring a lot lately. This might have something to do with my new found feelings for Louis. I don’t mind the dreams; it’s more who they involve that bothers me. You see, I’m still with Zayn. It has been a few days since the double threat of my dad and Louis talking to me. After a quick conversation on the phone, Zayn had me taking him back. I don’t really know how that ended up happening. All I know is that we are still together and that I have some sort of feelings for the mysterious Louis Tomlinson. How do I always manage to get myself into these messes?

I haven’t been able to see him though. As much as I actually really want to see Louis, I rather not because these feelings that I have for him are quickly developing in such a fast pace that I’m afraid of what I’ll do if we’ll ever to be alone together.

I promised myself that I was going to keep my distance from Louis, but after a quick conversation, Louis had convinced me to spend New Year’s Eve with him. My dad had a party with his coworkers that night, and Zayn’s family is going out of town. Liam and Niall are spending it together, seeing as Niall got grounded for being at Zayn’s party, and his parents are only allowing him to have one friend over that night. So that left me alone.

Louis had started texting me after our talk the other day. He was telling me that the grandmother he was staying with was having a game night with some of the other “ladies” from the neighborhood He didn’t really want to stick around for that. With Zayn gone, I was really the only person he knew. So we opted for a night of drinking together. What a party right? Drinking with the guy you have feelings for. Did I mention that the guy I have feelings for is as straight as ruler?

“Common, Harry, get dressed, I really want to see you open your gifts,” Des calls up the stairs.

“HURRY UP!”

“I’M COMING, GOD DAMMIT.”

“ DIDN’T YOU ALREADY DO THAT ONCE THIS MORNING?”

“OH MY GOD, DAD, SHUT UP”

~*~

I don’t know why I was so nervous for today. I had been awake since before sunset thinking of the possible excuses I could make up so I won’t have to see Louis today. I could tell him that I had the flu, but knowing him he’ll probably come anyways. I realized that there was nothing I could do. I had to spend New Years Eve with him and act as if I was not pinning over him like mad.

He texted me saying that he’ll be here in fifteen minutes. That was one hour ago. Oh god, what if something happened to him? Or what if he decided to ditch me for someone else? Dammit why do I care? It’s only 10:30, and it’s just Louis for god’s sake. A couple of weeks ago, I couldn’t even remember his name. Now he is all that consumes my thoughts.

Fuck, I hate this.

I hear the doorbell ring, but I don’t get up from my bed. I’m still too nervous, and he’s late, so he can wait outside in the cold. I spray on some cologne –just in case– and walk down stairs to the living room to finally let him in.

I open the door and there he is looking up at me with that stupid smile. Who does he think he is? He can’t just waltz in whenever he likes and expect for me to forgive him. He was late. I need an explanation.

“You’re late.” I say to him.

“And you’re a bit grumpy. Cheer up man it’s New Year’s Eve!” He says to me blowing on one of those obnoxious New Year’s Eve party horns.

“I am cheery. I Just wanna know why you’re late.” I’m not even that angry with him anymore.

“Well if you must now, Harry,” he says dragging out my name. “I was getting us some drinks for tonight. Now can you stop being grumpy and let me in? Or are you gonna make me go back to my grandma’s. I love that old bat to death, but her game nights are boring.” He says to me, waving the bottles of alcohol in my face.

Right, the alcohol. How I managed to miss those twobags full of hard liquor, I don’t know. I take one of the bags from him and signal for him to come in. We walk to the kitchen and I help him take out all of the bottles.

I see Scotch, Tequila, Vodka and two different types of beers.

“Are you inviting anyone else? This is enough liquor for a whole party!” I ask him.

“No curly, it’s just the two of us. Now put on some music and let’s get this two man party started!” At the mention of the nickname, I felt my cheeks turn into a deep shade of red. Oh god, why does he do those things to me.

“Still too much liquor though.” I say to him, popping open a beer and chugging most of it down. If I’m gonna spend a night alone with Louis, I might as well be pissed drunk.

That way if something happens, I can blame it on my drunken state.

“Slow down there, Curly! Don’t wanna give yourself a headache.” He said, taking the can of beer from my hands and placing it on the kitchen counter.

“Well you bought all of this, so we might as well put it to good use.” I said taking back my beer and chugging the rest of it.

~*~

One hour passed, and we found ourselves laying down in my room, with tons of beer cans over the floor. The scotch was gone, but most of it was left in cups all over my room.

It’s safe to say that we are both drunk as fuck.

“Hey there Harry, do youuuu want some tequila? Shots shots shots shots!” Louis says, while getting up and waving his shirt in the air. Oh yeah, Louis is only wearing pants. I guess he likes to strip when he’s drunk.

“No, Louis. I think you had enough to drink. Wanna watch a movie?” Even though I drank a couple of beers and some scotch, I was still more stable than Louis. He was a goner.

“I don’t wanna watch a movie, Haz! I want tequila. Do you have lime and salt?” He didn’t even wait for my response, he just ran to the kitchen. Oh gosh, I have a crush on a complete idiot.

I run downstairs to the kitchen to find him opening up the tequila bottle and pouring it into the shot glasses he bought.

“Cm’here, Harry. This ones for you.” He sing-songs, passing me the tequila.

I drink up the tequila and as soon as I swallow it, I begin to feel my chest tighten up and sting a bit. It feels good though. It’s an odd sensation.

“No no no, Curly! We’re not doing it that way. That’s the boringgg way! Let’s do body shots!” Louis said, pouring me another shot.

“Louis I think it’s better if we don’t do that, yeah?”

“Nonsense! Here, me first!” He puts the tequila bottle near the sink and makes a space for me on the kitchen counter. He points to my shirt as if asking to take it off, and so I do.

If you can’t beat them, join them, yeah?

I get on top of the kitchen counter and I watch as he pours tequila in his shot glass and gets the salt and lime. Oh god. Why am I doing this? I need to back out. Oh gosh he’s going to touch me. I feel like I’m going to explode. I make to get up from the counter but he places his hand on my belly.

“Don’t move.”

He takes the salt and begins to pour it all over my body. He starts from my bellybutton, putting some around it. He makes a line of salt connecting my bellybutton to the middle of my stomach. He doesn’t even look at me while he’s doing it. He just keeps putting more and more salt on my body. So much to the point that my body starts to itch.

“Don’t cha think that’s enough, Lou?” He looks at me and shakes his head no.

He looks at me for the first time in like five minutes. He has this emotion in his eyes that I’m not sure what it means yet, but he looks concentrated and his eyes seem like a darker shade of blue now.

He takes the tequila shot and pours some if inside my bellybutton. It feels really cold and weird. Before he takes his shot on my body, he passes me the lime.

“Here, put this in your mouth, and bite down into it a little.”

“Why?”

“It’s all apart of the body shot, Harry. Just do it.”

I take the lime from him and put it my mouth. I bite down into it a little and the juices from the lime spill into my mouth. It taste a bit sour but good.

He looks at me for the last time before he takes his shot. He licks his way around my bellybutton and then up and down my belly before finally drinking in the tequila from my bellybutton. His tongue feels so hot on my skin and that plus the alcohol is making me really overwhelmed. This is the closest interaction we’ve ever had and he’s taking a body shot off of me.

He moves up to my face and takes the lime from my mouth with his lips and sucks in the citrus juices. His face is so close to my face that all I want to do is just grab him and kiss him, but I can’t as much as I want to.

He smiles content with himself, and he begins to setup another body shot. This time he puts salt on my chest and neck.

Is it normal for straight guys to do that? It’s probably just the alcohol in his system taking over.

I feel his warm breath on my body and that itself sends shivers down my spine. He does the same thing as before and drinks up the tequila from my bellybutton. He goes up to my chest and licks all the salt. He licks his way up to my neck and sucks on the vein there for a bit.

Hold up why is he doing this? I send him a look and he just shrugs. He moves up to my mouth again to take the lime. This time he sucks the lime juice straight from my lips.

Fuck, what is he doing to me?

He bites down on the lime and his lips linger on mine for a bit. Ohgodgodgod this is so wrong. A million things are running through my mind right now, but all that I can process is that this is so wrong, and that I can’t let him do this. As much as I really want to kiss him right now, I don’t want it to happen like this. Plus, he probably doesn’t really want to kiss me.

“He’s acting like this because he’s drunk.” I repeat to myself over and over again in my head.

I gently push Louis off of me and get up from the counter.

Louis looks up to me with a puzzled expression and asks, “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“Louis you’re drunk, and I’m drunk. And even in my fucking drunk state of mind, I know this is wrong and it can lead to so many other bad things. Please let’s just watch the countdown or something?” I ask him.

He still looks at me with a puzzled expression. What if he wasn’t even going to kiss me. Oh god, I’ve made a fool of myself.

“Nothing, nothing, let’s just watch the countdown.”

He looked as if he was about to tell me something but he just opted to squeezing my hand instead.

We silently walk to the living room and I put on the channel were they’re giving the countdown to the new year.

We’re both silent, not saying one word to each other. The one minute countdown starts. We’re still silent. A couple of coughs and sighs are exchanged.

30 seconds.

Why are we so quiet, it’s almost the New Year. I can’t stay quiet. We need to talk.

“I’m sorry.” I say to him.

“No, don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.”

20 seconds.

“Okay.” The silence feels a bit less awkward now, but it stills feel weird.

“We’re okay, right?” I ask.

15 seconds.

“I hope we’ll be okay.”

5 seconds

“I think we will.”

4 Seconds.

He moves closer to me.

3 Seconds.

I feel his shoulder rubbing with my shoulder.

2 Seconds.

He turns to look at me.

1 Second.

“Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, Louis.”

I feel his arms wrap around my waist. He nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck.

Yeah, I think somehow, someway, everything will turn out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo again. Did you guys like it? I know it was rushed but we both felt as if this was the best way to write it. Harry’s silly. What kind of straight guy does body shots off another guy? Mhmmm (;


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start off by saying that Penelope and I absolutely love this chapter. We both worked so hard writing it for you guys! We really hope you guys love it, because we do haha! I still don’t own One Direction though. Happy Reading

I slept through most of New Year’s Day. I had the biggest hangover, and I just couldn’t get myself to wake up. I didn’t think that I had drank that much, but it was enough to leave me with a pounding headache and a few blank spots in my memory. I had this aching pain on the right side of my body. I’m thinking it had to do with the fact that I had slept on the hard kitchen floor.  
  
The house was a mess, but Louis and I cleaned it up quickly after a greasy breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. Louis didn’t talk much that morning, but then again neither did I. He did leave pretty fast after cleaning up; saying something about wanting to make sure his grandmother didn’t have a heart attack after the excitement from her board games with her friends.  
  
“Okay, well I guess I’ll see you after then?” I asked as he walked out onto the porch.  
  
All I got was a careless wave of his hand before he took off.  
  
~*~  
  
It’s been a week since New Year’s, and school has started again today. Zayn got back yesterday, and Niall got off his grounding today, so we are all supposed to go to the Pizzeria after school. I had texted Louis to see if he wanted to come. The thing is that he hasn’t been answering my texts since New Year’s. I tried calling him once, but he didn’t pick up. I have no reason to be acting like a neglected girlfriend, so I haven’t tried again. I’ve thought about maybe going over to see what’s going on, but that would seem desperate, and I shouldn’t be coming off like that. I have Zayn, and Louis’ straight, though maybe not so much after New Year’s. Then again, the way he acted that night can be blamed on the alcohol. What I don’t get though is why?  
  
Why has he been avoiding me? I don’t recall doing anything to piss him off. If anything he should be glad I stopped him. He would have regretted it. I would have, but for different reasons. The whole reason I stopped it from happening, was so this wouldn’t happen, if I’d have known, maybe I would have let it happen. Nah, who am I kidding, I have Zayn, and I would have stopped it for that reason only. Speak of the devil.  
  
“Hey, babe,” he says before crushing his lips against mine, and slightly pushing me up against my locker.  
  
I really wish I had someone gentler, someone like Louis.  
  
“Hey, L- Babe,” I say after he kisses me. “How were your holidays?”  
  
“They were downright frustrating.”  
  
“Why’s that now?”  
  
“Sexually frustrating, I mean.”  
  
I look over at him.  
  
“Huh, what are you on about?”  
  
“Well I haven’t had the chance to make love to you in what two weeks?” ( _I haven’t fucked your ass since my party._ )  
  
Let’s keep it that way, I think to myself before answering,“Yeah, missed you too babe.”  
  
I forgot what it’s like to be with people who lie all the time. Louis never lies, and my dad is an honest enough person. If only people didn’t twist the truth so much. Life would be so much easier; people would get along a lot better. I’ve seen how easy a little white lie can start a pointless argument. If only they would have been honest from the start. I bet that people don’t even really notice how much they lie. I think that’s why I like Louis so much; I never have to worry about getting insulted because he decides to lie. He knows what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. If only more people out there would be more like him.  
  
“Hey, Harry?” Zayn says, catching my attention.  
  
“Sorry, what?”  
  
My liking with Louis is so bad, that here I am with my boyfriend, and all I can think about is him.  
I can’t let him get to me.  
  
~*~  
  
School passes by rather quickly, and I soon find myself in the school parking lot waiting for Zayn to get out of class and drive us over to the pizzeria. I hate the pizzeria. That place is just a constant reminder of my routine-type life.  
  
I keep telling myself how everything’s going to change, and how I am going to change for the better, but I don’t even try anymore. I just let things happen. I’m a puppet and my routine-type life is my puppeteer.  
  
I hear Zayn, Niall and Liam before I see them. They’re all talking about something that seems to be pretty secretive because as soon as they approach me, Zayn tells Niall to be quiet.  
  
What the hell?  
  
“What were you guys talking about?” I say, my curiosity getting the better of me.  
  
“Oh nothing nothing, you wouldn’t understand.” ( _Mind your business._ ) Zayn murmured.  
  
“Whatever.” I whisper. Not even caring if he hears me or not.  
  
~*~  
  
The drive to the pizzeria is silent, minus a couple of whispers from Niall and Liam from the back. Zayn has not uttered a single word to me since we got into his car. I find it a bit odd that he isn’t talking to me. Usually he always has something to say. Did I do something wrong?  
  
“Hey Zayn?” I tap him on his knee with my fingers. He moves his knee away from me and grunts, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.  
  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I’m beginning to get frustrated with him. He’s being more of an asshole than he usually he is.  
  
“Nothing’s wrong, Harry.” ( _You’re so fucking annoying shut up._ )  
  
“It sure doesn’t seem that way. You’ve been acting different ever since we got out of school. What, did you fail the math test or something?” I say laughing, trying to lighten up the mood.  
He didn’t even smile. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.  
  
“You always have to fucking joke about something. You can’t ever be serious. And no, I did not fucking fail the math test!” Zayn screamed out. Slamming his hands on the steering wheel, causing Niall, Liam and I to jump.  
  
“Mate calm down, yeah? Why don’t you park the car, and Liam and I will take a cabby home. You go and talk to Harry.” Niall said.  
  
“What the fuck is going on, Zayn? I don’t understand why you’re so upset! Can you at least talk to me?”  
  
“Man just park the car. Don’t want us getting into an accident.” Liam commented.  
  
Zayn doesn’t say a word, but he pulls to a stop only blocks away from the pizzeria. Liam and Niall unbuckle their seat belts and get out of the car. Before actually leaving, I see that Niall walks around the car to Zayn’s window. He whispers something in his ear and pats his shoulder.  
  
Why is everyone being so damn secretive?  
  
“Zayn can you please tell me what’s going on? Did I do something?” He’s still quiet. He starts the car again and begins to drive but he still doesn’t say anything.  
  
He doesn’t say anything again for another ten minutes. I keep thinking of things that I might have done to upset him. I know I really shouldn’t care, because he has done bad things to me, but it is just bothering me so much not knowing what I did or did not do to him.  
  
“I just can’t believe that I trusted you.” Zayn muttered.  
  
“What are you on about? Can you please talk to me?”  
  
“I can’t believe that while I was spending the holidays with my family you were fucking around with my best friend.”  
  
How did he even find that out? It’s not that I was hiding it from him, I guess I just forgot to tell him.  
  
“That’s what you’re so mad about? So what? I was hanging out with Louis on New Years Eve. There’s no harm in that.”  
  
“It’s not that you were hanging out with him, Harry. It’s that you got fucking drunk with him and you fucking almost kissed!” He yelled out.  
  
“What the hell, Zayn! I admit we got drunk, but we didn’t kiss… Who told you that?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter who fucking told me, the fact of the matter is that you cheated on me!” ( _It was Louis who told me._ )  
  
Shit. I guess him being honest all the time is not always the best.  
  
“Zayn please just listen to me, yeah? I did not cheat on you. We just got a little drunk—”  
  
“A little drunk? Oh please Harry, don’t kid yourself.” Zayn retorted back.  
  
“Okay so we got a lot drunk, and we played some drinking games, but that’s all we did.”  
  
I didn’t even notice that we were at Zayn’s house already. He pulled up to his driveway and parked the car.  
  
“Are you sure that’s all that happened? You’re not lying to me, right?” How ironic is it that he’s the one asking me if I was lying. Ha.  
  
“Why would I lie? There’s nothing going on between me and Louis. Why do you even care so much?”  
  
“Alright, I believe you. I just don’t want anyone to steal my baby.” He coos. ( _I don’t want anyone to steal you away from me because you’re an easy fuck._ )  
  
I knew it. At least he’s pretending to care. Unlike Louis, who still has yet to call me back.  
  
“Okay. Yeah so we’re good?”  
  
“Yeah we’re good babe. In fact, let’s go inside and have makeup sex yeah?” He said, waggling his eyebrows at me.  
  
He’s such a pig.  
  
Zayn get’s out of the car and walks to the porch to open up the door. He shoots me a look as if to say “are you coming?” and I nod yes.  
  
What does it matter anyways if I sleep with him or not. He’s the only one who cares about me. Well maybe not in the romantic way, but he does care.  
  
I look up to Zayn’s front porch to find him not there. He must of gone inside already. I guess I should go. I make to open the car door when my phone vibrates in my back pocket. Who could it be? I look at my phone to find a text from Louis.  
  
Wait am I seeing things right? Did Louis just text me. No this can’t be right. I was sure he was not going to talk to me anymore. He has been ignoring me lately, and then he went and told Zayn about what happened. I figured he was going to just never talk to me again.  
  
Should I look at the message? No. God Harry don’t do this to yourself. He was the one that ignored you and didn’t talk to you.  
  
I really don’t want to read his message, but I just— I somehow feel like I have to.  
  
 **4:25 pm  
I’m sorry about not talking to you. I need to see you. Please call me?- Louis x**  
  
Oh God. No. No. No. No. No. I knew I shouldn’t of read his text message. But why does he want to see me. I don’t know if I want to call him back. What’s the point? I need to forget about him, and seeing him is definitely not going to help.  
  
But I really really want to see him again.  
  
Should I ignore Louis’ text message like he did with mine, and go inside of Zayn’s house and have make up sex with him, or should I call Louis.  
  
Either way, I’m going to be hurt by both. But I do have to make a decision. I’m not sure if it’s the right one though.  
  
~*~  
  
I end up at home. I don’t know if that was the right choice, but it’s the one I made. I don’t really remember the walk over here. It was just a hazy passing. I just thought about things my whole way home. I was thinking about choices. About how I was tired of being used, tired of being ignored.  
I really hoped that I was over my little thinking phase. I spent months just thinking. Sitting there thinking, eating and thinking, talking and thinking. I finally got out of it for a few weeks, and here I was again, back into my same old routine. The routine where I let myself get used. Where all I am is a pawn in other people’s chess sets.  
  
It hurts to think about this. It hurts because I let it happen. Instead of telling Zayn to fuck off, I let him fuck me. Instead of telling Louis to stop using me as an emotional pincushion, I let him poke and prod me with all the different feelings he conjures. At least with Zayn, I always know that I’m going to get fucked, whether it is literally or figuratively. With Louis, I don’t know. I just don’t.  
  
I really wish I could hate him for making me feel this way. As typical as that is, I really do. But I still like him too much to do so. He was so sweet the night of the party. Then he was great up until the almost kiss New Year’s Eve. Then… then he goes and spends two weeks ignoringme. Then he wants to meet up, and talk. At least with Zayn, I know that all he wants is a quick fuck. That is so much easier than this emotional roller coaster ride. I know that with Zayn it’s pleasure, then guilt. It’s routine. With Louis it’s so much more complicated. I hate it. But I would almost rather it.  
  
Tonight I can just let myself ignore my problems. Tomorrow morning I’ll decide whether or not I’m going to ignore Louis. Tomorrow I’ll let my problem be real. I decided this when I first got home. For now, the world just doesn’t exist. I am the only thing that matters till tomorrow morning. Just like I always do. Just like a routine.  
  
~*~  
  
The next morning I wake up to a bunch of texts and missed calls from Zayn. I was really hoping that yesterday wouldn’t have happened. He really wanted to know where I went. I must have left him really sexually frustrated.  
  
I get ready for school, yet another routine. As I’m doing this I make my decision. It all depends on Zayn. If he is the same and treats me like crap, I’ll call Louis. If he actually decides to be a decent person, I’ll ignore Louis. Seems like kind of a childish move from me. But it’s what I think will be the best.  
  
~*~  
  
I get to my first class without any drama. In other words, I haven’t seen Zayn yet today. I’m in Mr. Stewart’s class. It goes by as routinely as every day. Except this time he asks to see me after class. I wonder for a second what it would be about before returning to my work.  
  
Before I know it the class ends and everyone clears out. I was almost hoping to get out with the rest of them, but Mr. Stewart calls my name.  
  
“I wanted to talk to you,” he says once I’ve sat back down at a desk.  
  
“What about?”  
  
“Just that I don’t know what’s worse, the sarcastic kid with an answer to everything from before, or this lifeless kid now.”  
  
“Okay…”  
  
“I don’t know what to say. This all started after our talk, and I just want to know if there was anything that I said that…”  
  
I cut him off there.  
  
“No, sir, there wasn’t. There has just been a lot to think about these past few months.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like what I’m doing with my life, now and later on.”  
  
“And…”  
  
“And I’m no better off than I was four months ago. There have even been added factors that I have no idea how to process. I have no idea what it is that I’m doing. I feel like I fuc- that I mess things up all the time. I don’t have a clue what I’m going to do in the future. It just feels like nothing wants to go my way. I have a crap relationship with a boy I don’t even like. There’s a boy I do like but he’s straight. My social life is crap. I’m tired of routine. I hate that this is where I’m stuck at in life. I’m fed up with all the lies and I’m just tired of it all. I have to get to class because the last thing I want to do is fail high school.”  
  
I storm off. I have no idea where that came from. By the end I was pretty hysterical. I feel slightly embarrassed to have gone off on Mr. Stewart like that, but the flood gates just opened.  
  
~*~  
  
It wasn’t until lunch that Zayn finally found me. I was at my locker when I got a small “hey” from him.  
  
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask him. He’s usually loud and boisterous.  
  
“Nothing, just wondering what happened to you last night. You just disappeared.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry, my dad needed me at home so I had to go. My phone died before I could text you.”  
Kind of ironic how I just finished telling Mr. Stewart how I hate lies, but here I am, spinning a web of my own.  
  
“You should have told me, I could have driven you home.” ( _I would have tried to convince you to stay, and if not then we could have fucked in my truck._ )  
  
“Yeah, I know, but I just didn’t want to bother you.”  
“You wouldn’t have bothered me.” ( _It really would have pissed me off._ )  
“I just didn’t want to ask too much after our little fight.”  
  
“I get it, it’s fine. You can make it up to me later.” ( _You can suck my dick later._ )  
  
“We still on for after school? I have that doctor’s appointment and I need a ride.”  
  
“Yeah, I’ve got football practice after school but it shouldn’t run on too long and we can go straight after that. Then we can go chill at my place.” ( _Then we can go fuck at my place._ )  
  
“Just make sure you’re not too late.”  
  
“No problem, babe.”  
  
He kisses me before running off to find his friends. Guess I’m not calling Louis today after all.  
  
I look back to my locker and let out a big sigh.  
  
~*~  
  
There’s half an hour until my appointment and Zayn still isn’t done. He’s still at practice, and I’m still here waiting by his truck. He texted me before practice that he should have been done ten minutes ago. But he’s not here. I really don’t want to be late, and it kind of looks like it’s about to rain.  
As I’m standing there thinking, a car pulls up beside me. I look up.  
  
“Hey,” says Louis.  
  
It just had to be him. It couldn’t have been Liam, or Niall, or Satan, wait, scratch that, it is Satan.  
  
“What?” I snap.  
  
“Um… Zayn texted me a few minutes ago. He told me that practice was running late and that you needed a ride. So I came.”  
  
As he says that I get a text.  
  
 **3:40 PM  
Coach is keeping us longer, stuck here till four, sorry babe, Louis said he’d give you a ride. –Zayn**  
  
Fuck Zayn. Fuck him so hard with a cactus soaked in lime juice.  
  
“Well, I don’t need a ride. I can walk.”  
  
I start walking out of the parking lot of my school.  
  
“It looks like it’s about to rain and I don’t think you will make it on time,” he says, trying to reason with me.  
  
“I would rather that than get into a car with you,” I say back with malice in my voice.  
  
“Look. I know I treated you like crap, but I was going through something. I needed some time to think.”  
  
“Yeah, and what was this something?” I asked, knowing he would tell me the truth.  
  
“It doesn’t matter what it was right now.”  
  
No lie, but still not what I was looking for.  
  
“Well it matters to me.”  
  
“I’m just not ready to tell you yet.”  
  
It started raining. Well more like pouring. In a matter of seconds I’m completely soaked. I start walking faster, but I know it won’t help. What would help is getting into that car.  
  
All I do is keep on walking.  
  
All he does is keep on following.  
  
Nothing is said. The rain is falling harder than ever.  
  
“Can you please get into the car, you’re going to catch something!” he says finally.  
  
“Why do you care?”  
  
“I care because I don’t want to see you hurt.”  
  
I laugh, how ironic.  
  
“Then why are you the one to hurt me?”  
  
“I’m sorry for that, I’ve said it already, I never meant to hurt you.”  
  
“Then why? Why hurt me in the first place?”  
  
“I can’t tell you.”  
  
“Then you’re only hurting me more,” he stops the car as I whip around to finally face him. “I need to know. Two weeks since New Year’s. Two weeks since you made me believe that things might end up okay. It’s been two weeks since you made it seem like you might actually care about me.”  
  
“I do care about you.”  
  
“No you don’t, no one does.”  
  
The tears are flowing freely at this point, but with the rain you would never know. The cold rain is seeping into my pores and I finally can’t take it and climb into his car.  
  
He doesn’t say anything and it’s then that I realize something. I realize that he wasn’t lying when he said that he cares. It hits me like ton of bricks and I start to cry with abandon. Sobs are racking my body mixed in with the waves of shivers.  
  
I feel his arms slip around me and he holds me tightly, enveloping me with his sweet scent and warmth.  
  
I hear him whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Along those sweet nothings I hear a “everything will be okay, I promise this time.”  
  
For a second I feel bad because I’m soaking wet, and I’m messing up his car and his shirt. I start to cry even harder, because here I am, messing things up for him, for me. I’m just messed up. I just spend my life messing things up.  
  
It’s just my routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey bubbas. Did you guys like it? Hope you guys did, It was really interesting to write the whole breakdown....


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penelope and I are so sorry for the late update, as we are planning on updating it on Tuesdays. This chapter is kind of like a part two to the last chapter, and it’s really intense! I hope you guys like it. Happy readings

We stay like that for a while. His strong arms enveloped around my waist, holding me tightly. The only noise we hear is the light pitter-patter of raindrops splashing on the car windows, and the slow, almost inaudible, sounds of our breaths mingling with each other. The silence is some what comforting, but as comforting as it is, I still can’t try and pretend as if I’m happy. As if Louis and I are happy.  
  
I can’t believe I let this happen. I can’t believe I let myself fall for this guy, who probably wants nothing more than a friendship with me. And the worst part is that I can’t just be his friend. I need more than that. I need to feel his sweet kisses trailing down my neck, stomach, and thighs. I need to feel his lips on my lips. I need him more than I ever needed someone in my life.  
  
What I have for Louis is more than just some stupid crush. It is more than just some silly infatuation. It is more than just wanting to be with him. No. What I have for him is a passionate desire to need to be with him every single day. It’s a passionate desire to need to talk to him every single day.  
  
I want to be able to tell him how much I care about him, and how perfect I think he is, but I can’t. I can’t tell him that and it’s fucking killing me inside.  
  
As much as I want him all to myself, I just need to realize that what I want is just not going to fucking happen. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I can’t be with the person that I want to be with most, and instead I have to endure emotional pain with someone that I don’t even fucking like.  
  
But it is also not fair of me to be selfish and feel bad for myself. Louis… Louis doesn’t.. he doesn’t want me, and I need to accept that.  
  
I feel tears prickling in my eyes again and before I know it, I start sobbing uncontrollably. I feel him start playing with my hair, pushing it away from my eyes.  
  
“Hey, Harry don’t you cry okay? Look at me please. Shh, Curly, please please stop crying. Listen to me, yeah?” He says to me.  
  
I just nod my head no.  
  
“Why not, Harry? Please look at me, why don’t you wanna look at me or listen to me Harry?” I can hear the pain dripping out of every word he said.  
  
I just can’t look at him. I can’t bear to look at him because I know that he doesn’t want me the way that I do him, and it just makes me feel so drained and miserable.  
  
I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself.  
  
I muster up the courage to look at him, his eyes look dull and tired too. It kills me how much I’m bringing him down as well.  
  
“Why did you ignore me, Louis? Why didn’t you talk to me… I needed you Louis, and you just blocked me out completely from your life! Fuck, Louis why did you do that?”  
  
I can feel myself getting angry with him now. I know he probably has a good excuse as to why he didn’t talk to me, but still. I needed him, and he wasn’t there.  
  
“Harry please believe me when I say that I didn’t want to do that to you! I really didn’t, Harry. I just had to figure out some things about me, and you and us, and whatever the fuck this is!” Louis says exasperatedly, waving his arms frantically in the air.  
  
“What are you talking about Louis? What do you mean figure things about ‘us’?”  
  
Now he’s the one to put his head down. What the hell is this boy talking about. Am I that oblivious?  
  
“I can’t tell you…”  
  
“You can’t tell me what, Louis? You fucking ignore me for weeks, and then you tell me that you had to figure somethings out about us, but now you can’t tell me it? FUCK YOU!”  
  
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let him play with my heart. I need to let him go.  
  
I get out of the car, not even caring that it is still pouring outside, and that my whole body is soaked in rain again.  
  
I start running. Running as fast as I can. I can hear Louis trailing behind me, calling out my name.  
  
“Harry please for God’s sake listen to me! Please Harry, I’m begging you. I’m just gonna keep on following you until you listen to me.”  
  
What’s the point of running? I need to stop escaping him. I should just let him explain himself.  
  
I stop running, and I hear him approaching me. He’s breathing really hard, and he grabs on to my shoulder. He turns me around and says, “Harry, please never run away from me, please?”  
  
“Can you… can you tell me why you were ignoring me? Can you tell me what the hell you were trying to figure out about ‘us’? Whatever the fuck ‘us’ is?”  
  
“I just I really can’t tell you, Harry. I… never mind.”  
  
“God I fucking hate it when people do that! They know they want to say something but they’re too scared to say it, so they try to bait you to ask them. You’re just like the rest of them, Louis.”  
  
“I’m sorry-”  
“Do you want to say something, Louis? If you do then say it. Just please stop hurting me. I don’t know if I can do this-”  
  
He’s closer to me now, but not as close as I want him to be.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Then say it.”  
  
A couple of seconds pass of him just staring at everything but me… Why is he so nervous? Isn’t he just going to tell me that he doesn’t feel the same about me?  
  
“I can’t tell you.” He finally says, sounding so tired and defeated.  
  
“Why… not?”  
  
“I can’t”  
  
“Whatever, Louis I’m leaving-”  
  
“I wanna tell you that I like you.”  
  
Huh? I look at him and he’s staring right at me this time. No he’s just joking he doesn’t like me…  
  
“But I can’t tell you that, can I? I want to tell you to forget about him. I want to tell you that I think you deserve so much better than Zayn. He has his bad days, but he’s a great guy. Fuck Harry he’s my best mate, my brother, everything, but I still wanna tell you to tell him to fuck off and be with me.”  
  
I feel my heart beating faster. He’s opening up so much to me. Oh God, this is so crazy. This time, he’s the one with tears prickling in his eyes.  
  
“I wanna tell you that since the moment I met you, I can’t even get your face out of my fucking head. But I just can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you that the only thing I want to do right now is to take you away with me. No here. No Zayn. No Niall. No Liam. Just us. If just for a day, ya know? I don’t want anything more than to make you happy, Harry. But I can’t tell you that. I mean what kind of a person would I be if I went and told you something like that.” He wipes the tears from his eyes and cheeks and just laughs at particularly nothing.  
  
I can’t even find the strength in me to say anything to him. I want to tell him that everything he said is true, and that I want to run far far away with him, but I can’t even open my mouth.  
  
“I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell Zayn about everything I did not tell you.”  
  
Minutes go by and it’s just us staring at each other. I have to say something to him, I can’t just stay quiet forever.  
  
“Of course not, because you didn’t say anything.” Out of the many things I could of said, I can’t believe I picked that. Oh God, I’m so stupid.  
  
“Okay.”, Louis whispers out to me. He looks as if he’s expecting for me to say something… but I just don’t. I can’t say anything until I talk to Zayn. I need to talk to him before I finally make a decision about Louis and I.  
  
Yeah, that seems right. I’m going to do that.  
  
“Goodnight. I… I have to figure things out now.”  
  
“Okay, Harry. Do you want me to drive you. I.. I can drive you. Please let me drive you?”  
  
“No, Louis it’s okay. My house is only two blocks away from here. I can walk. Thank you.”  
  
“Are you sure?” He asked pleadingly.  
  
I nodded and started walking to my house. I heard him walking to his car, and I wanted nothing but to turn around, but I knew that I had to take care of somethings before I actually talked to him.  
  
I have to talk to Zayn.  
  
~*~  
  
I know I shouldn’t be here. Zayn really isn’t the person I should be seeing right now. But it’s where I am and it’s his door I’m knocking on.  
  
“Hey babe, how’d the doctors go?” He says kissing me.  
  
I had completely forgotten about it. I’ll have to call and reschedule for some other time.  
  
“Oh I got there and they told me that it was cancelled and that they had forgotten to call me.”  
  
I lie. It’s the only thing I can do at this point. I can’t tell him that I broke down. I really can’t tell him that Louis confessed his feelings to me. More lies.  
  
“Oh, well that sucks. You wanna watch a movie and cuddle?”  
  
Zayn wanting to cuddle? Since when? He probably just hopes that it would lead to sex.  
  
“Yeah, but no sex, I’m not really in the mood.”  
  
“Who said anything about sex? Can’t I just enjoy a movie with my sexy boyfriend and not have it lead to something else.”  _Normally we would end up fucking, but I don’t want to right now._  
  
~*~  
  
Zayn actually stays true to his word. We had watched two movies and he didn’t come on to me not even once. I want to know what’s going on but I don’t want to ask. I haven't seen this side of Zayn in a really long while. I think it’s the one I actually fell for. I don’t want to ruin things… again.  
  
“Hey babe?” he says to me after the second movie.  
  
Is this where he is going to ask? I look over to him.  
  
“Have you been okay lately? Like even before Christmas you seemed off and I’ve been noticing it a bit more lately.”  
  
“What do you mean?” I don’t really know where this is going.  
  
“You just seem to be off in your little world, and when you are mentally here, you just don’t seem like yourself.”  
  
“I’ve just had a lot to think about lately. Like how am I supposed to choose what it is that I want to do with my life…?”  
  
“But why so much lately? Like it feels like I’ve done something wrong.”  
  
“But you haven’t.”  
  
I have to lie to him. I always lie.  
  
Even I don’t really convince myself. I really hope he lets this go. After the confrontation with Louis, this really isn’t the best time to have another one.  
  
“I feel like I have.”  
  
“Fine then, you did.”  
  
And there it is, the end of my patience. I would have hoped to last longer, but I just can’t do it anymore. I really think I’m done.  
  
He looks like a kicked puppy. Where is the normal Zayn, the one that would have pushed me off of him instead of holding me tighter? The one that would have started a fight.  
  
“Can you tell me what I did?”  
  
“I don’t know, do you really want to know, or are you going to blow up?”  
  
“Tell me, that way I can fix it.”  
  
What the hell, I want a fight, I need to yell, scream, but here he is trying to keep me calm and not being the douche bag he usually is.  
  
“Where is the fight in you, Zayn?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Usually you want to start a fight; everything has to be so vicious and hostile with you. That’s the problem. I don’t get why all of the sudden you’re acting like the Zayn I liked, not the douche you turned into and have been for the past nine months. All you do is use me for a fuck and that’s it. You rarely ever made it seem like you even cared for me. Everyone could see it. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being used by you. I’m so confused by you right now. Out of nowhere you start acting all sweet and cuddling with me and acting like a proper boyfriend for once. Like maybe I should be with Louis. At least with him I wouldn’t have to worry about being used.”  
  
I stop when I notice the look on his face. I can’t believe that I just said that. Even I’m not that hurtful.  
  
“It’s our one year anniversary. One whole year we were dating. I just wanted to know if you were okay, then I was going to go get you your present.”  
  
He sounds so quiet, so drawn in. His grip around me has gone slack and I am frozen. Why does this have to happen? If I could have kept my mouth shut, we could have enjoyed a nice evening. A nice anniversary. I can’t believe I forgot.  
  
“Babe,” I start.  
  
He completely takes his arms away from around me, and pulls away from me. I just feel cold.  
  
“No, no, I can’t even. I told you from the start that I have a hard time with expressing my feelings. I might not have been the best boyfriend and I know that, and I’m really sorry for that. After our fight the other day, I wanted to change that. I blamed myself for you cheating on me. I now know that you didn’t but when I thought you did, I thought that maybe if I had been a better boyfriend it wouldn’t happen. Now having that shoved in my face like that. I can’t believe you. How could you even do that to me?”  
  
“Babe, I’m really sorry.”  
  
“No you don’t get to call me babe anymore. Not after that. I wanted things to work out. I honestly wanted to change. I know at times I really have used you, and sometimes all I wanted from you was a quick fuck, and I am honestly so sorry for that. I can admit the mistakes I have done. And almost losing you like I did, made me realize, albeit a little late, that you actually mean something to me. I like fucking you; I’m a guy I think about it all the time. I want it all the time. For a while you were an easy fuck, but you were my easy fuck. I might have felt more lust than love for you at times, but there was still something there, and now, after that, I see it wasn’t the same for you.”  
  
I have no clue what to say. It’s the truth, but it contradicts with some of the other truths that I have seen from him. Just the other day he said that he didn’t want to lose me because I was an easy fuck… but wait.  
  
“What do you mean easy fuck?” I ask him. “Is that all I was to you?”  
  
“I meant that you’re always there, you’re my boyfriend, we were each other’s firsts. You’re supposed to be an easy fuck, because we are both supposed to want each other. You’re the person I go to when I want to have sex. I never go to anyone else. All I want is you. I know I’m an asshole, but I only ever wanted you. That may be because you’re probably the only person who deals with my shit, but still, I never cheated on you. And yea physically you didn’t cheat on me, but please don’t fucking deny that you’re pinning for my best friend.”  
  
Is this some sort of loophole in the truth system? I don’t have time to question it before Zayn is kicking me out of his house.  
  
“I am done Harry. I tried. Now just fuck off.”  
  
I start walking down the street before I realize that it’s almost eleven and I’m far enough from home.  
  
I almost call Louis before I realize that he is the last person that I want to see.  
  
If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be in the situation that I am in now. I would be celebrating my anniversary with Zayn. I wouldn’t have gotten into a fight. None of this would have happened.  
  
It’s funny how fate works though.  
  
“Need a ride?”  
  
Louis’ voice struck me as if it was lightening.  
  
“You know what? FUCK OFF! This is your entire fault. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here freezing my ass off. I don’t need anything from you, much less a ride. So fuck the hell off. I don’t want to fucking see your fucking face ever again!”  
  
I am yelling and all my pent up anger just leaves. I punch someone’s mail box and I feel blood oozing out of the cuts on my hand. I don’t pay any attention to it because I’m running home. I run from my problems.  
  
I get home and realize that maybe I should have went with Louis. Maybe I could tell him about my feelings. Maybe he would forgive me. Maybe- I stop there.  
  
I really am stuck in my routine. My routine of fucking up and running from my problems. Those are my last thoughts before I fall into a very troubled sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was pretty short, but it was still super intense, yeah? Harry’s such a little shit! (; We really hope you guys liked this chapter! Don’t forget to subscribe/comment/give kudos and tell your friends!


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the late update again! I promise this the last time we’re going to update late. We hope you guys like this chapter! Happy Readings.

The next couple of days pass by achingly slow. I didn’t want to do anything but stay in my room all day and sleep away all the pain and regrets. I felt weak. I didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed and go to school. I want to sleep and wake up to everything somehow being magically alright. But my life was never meant to be like a fairy-tale. I was never meant to have a happy ending. It’s a frightening feeling knowing that I already accepted this. It’s even more frightening knowing that I can’t muster up the courage to change that.  
  
My self-loathing was drastically increasing by every minute of every hour, and with every memory from that night, I just felt even worse about what I’ve said and done. The better part of me just wants to forget about this mess. I want to forget about everything that happened that night. I want to forget about everything Louis told me, and how he looked so fucking upset when I told him to fuck off, and how everything was his fault. I want to forget about Zayn, and that look on his face when I told him how I felt about Louis. I want to forget about that look he has plastered on his face, every time we happen to pass each other at school. I want to forget about that feeling that I had when I broke his heart.  
  
I keep telling myself that it’s not my fault, and it was all Louis’ fault, or Zany’s fault, or anyone else’s fault but mine. I keep telling myself that, but I couldn’t help that lingering feeling in my heart telling me that I had to fix this. I keep telling myself that I have done nothing wrong. But deep down, really deep down, I know that I’m lying to myself.  
  
I have to fix this. I don’t know why, but I do. My problem is that I just don’t know how. And the same people that could have helped me, are the reason behind why I’m in this mess in the firs place.  
  
~*~  
  
I spend a whole entire day dialing Louis and Zany’s number on my phone but never actually daring to press the ‘call’ button. I want to apologize, just so things can be better again, but I know that’s not really going to fix things. I know a simple apology over the phone doesn’t mean anything. I know I have to talk to them personally, but I’m fucking scared, and I was never any good at confrontations.  
  
I need to stop procrastinating and just call one of them. The worst they can do is hang up the phone. I decide to call Louis first. For some reason I think he’ll be more understanding. He might even forgive me. Hopefully.  
  
I dial up his number and press the call button.  
  
 _ **Ringggg**  
Ringggggg  
Ringggggggg  
Ringggggggggg_  
  
Shit Louis pick up the phone. Shit I knew I shouldn’t of tried to fix things. I’m going to hang up now. Yeah I should hang up he’s not going to pick up—  
  
“What do you want, Harry? Calling me to scream at me again?” I hear Louis say with a bitter tone, interrupting me from my thoughts.  
  
“No…I.. I- I called to apologize.” I say, my breath hitching in between words.  
  
“Apologize for what Harry? For screaming at me when I was only trying to help? I don’t want your fucking pity. I really don’t want it. So if you’re going to apologize for that please do me a favor and hang up, and I’ll leave you alone like you said.”  
  
“Louis what the hell? Why are you so upset? I was stressed out because Zayn kicked me out of his house because he found out about… never mind. Anyways, he kicked me out and I was really stressed out and so I took my anger out on you. I’m really sorry for that.”  
  
I hear him laugh into the phone receiver. Yet it wasn’t a joyful laugh, or even a malicious laugh. It was a very sad and bitter kind of laugh. Just hearing it made the hairs on my body stand up.  
  
“You think I’m upset because of that Harry? You’re apologizing for that? God Harry, I know you were stressed out. I could tell that you and Zayn were fighting. That’s why I wanted to comfort you, but you didn’t let me. You just pushed me away like you do with everyone, Harry! Why do you do that? Why don’t you let the people who care about you the most in your life, in?”  
  
“I- I really don’t know. I’m scared.” I admitted to him.  
  
I’m not sure why I admitted that to him, but it was the truth. I was scared of letting people in my life. I’m afraid they’ll leave me.  
  
“Why are you so scared? I don’t get you Harry. You push and push people away and then when they try to help you, you blame them for your mistakes. No Harry, that’s just not how life works. Harry, I like you so fucking much, and sometimes I ask myself if my feelings for you are even healthy, but I’m not going to feel sorry for you this time. You said your life is a routine, but you don’t change anything about your life. You can easily stray away from your routines, but you take the easy way out and blame everyone for your mistakes.”  
  
I don’t understand how he can read me so easily only after months of knowing me. I don’t even understand myself. And here he is, telling me my life story.  
  
I didn’t know what to say. I felt like a little kid again, getting screamed at by my parents. I feel really vulnerable.  
  
“Can I get back to you on that? I don’t know what to say, and if I give you an answer now, it’s probably not going to be completely genuine.”  
  
“Whatever, Harry. Take as much time as you want to figure things out, but please just do yourself a favor and start being honest with yourself. Stop hiding from the truth. Be yourself, Harry. Goodbye. Until next time.” He said, hanging up the phone.  
  
I find it ironic that he tells me to stop hiding from the truth when that’s the one thing that I can’t seem to escape. I finally put my phone down after just sitting there for a few minutes, and laid down on my bed.  
  
I don’t even know where to start figuring things out yet.  
  
~*~  
  
I was sitting outside in the school parking lot waiting for Zayn to get out of football practice. I waited about one hour, but I knew this was the only way I was going to see Zayn. Ever since our argument he has been avoiding me like the black plague. I kind of miss him to be quite honest. I guess I just miss his attention. I miss people actually talking to me. I’m back to being the lonely loser who eats his lunch in the bathroom stalls again.  
  
Niall and Liam don’t even want to talk to me anymore. I guess they’re upset with me too. I mean not only did I fuck up things with Louis and Zayn, but I’ve also been neglecting Niall and Liam. I don’t even remember the last time we hung out.  
  
I don’t know for how much long I stayed waiting for Zayn, but eventually he came. He looked really tired too. His eyes looked tired more than his body did. My conscious was telling me that football practice was only a small reason as to why he looked so tired.  
  
He saw me, I know he did, but he walked directly to his truck.  
  
“Zayn, wait!” I yelled out to him.  
  
“What are you doing here, Harry? Didn’t you notice that I was ignoring you all week? There was a reason for that, ya know? I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about.”  
  
“I know I fucked up Zayn, but people make mistakes! You make mistakes all the time and I still forgive you for them. You’re always bullshitting me saying you mean something when you don’t, but I still forgive you! I don’t ignore you for a week.”  
  
“Well that was way back then. I wasn’t the one who fucked up our relationship this time. It was your fault not mine, and I don’t want anything to do with you now so leave me the fuck alone.”  _I’m not even sure of what I’m saying. I know you made a mistake, but I just can’t find it in me to forgive you._  
  
“Zayn I…”  
  
“Don’t say anything, Harry. Just go be with Louis. I’m sure you rather be with him than me. You did say it yourself.”  
  
He got into his truck and drove away, leaving me alone again in the cold streets.  
  
I’m on my own now. I’m all alone and I don’t like it. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be forgiven by anyone.  
  
I was wrong about being alone. I feel someone tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it’s Niall, staring at me with a sad knowing look.  
  
“Harry, the biggest thing Zayn needs right now is for you to just give him a little space and time.”  
I’m not sure if he has forgiven me. But he’s speaking to me, and that’s a start.  
  
“I guess you heard it all then?”  
  
“Yeh, can’t say I liked what I heard, mate.”  
  
“Well, you don’t exactly have to. You really don’t have to be here.”  
  
“See, that’s your problem! You push people away. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be here, but you really make me want to leave you here alone.”  
  
I don’t really know what to say. Everybody has been saying that to me. The last thing I want to do is push people away. I really need someone right now.  
  
“I really don’t mean to do that, Niall.”  
  
“I know you don’t. Common, let’s go to my place and have a good long talk, yeh?”  
  
~*~  
  
It’s sad knowing that I haven’t been here since almost last summer. Being here now makes me realize how much I missed this place. It’s packed with all these memories of Niall, Liam, Zayn and I.  
  
Really good memories too.  
  
I’m sitting on his queen sized bed, while Niall went to go get us something to eat. While I wait, I look at the room that I’ve spent a lot of youth in. He has a couple of posters and pictures on his wall. Mostly football posters, and a couple of pictures of his close friends. I’m actually surprise to see a picture of the four of us. Niall, Liam, Zayn, and I, were at the beach, our last trip together before school started. I don’t even remember who took that picture but Niall and Liam were splashing around in the bright blue water and, Zayn and I were making a sand castle. I remember we had trouble making that sand castle. I guess that was because Zayn was holding onto my hand that whole entire time. Just seeing us looking so happy brings back a feeling of nostalgia. It brings back memories of how good things were, and how badly I’ve been fucking things up lately.  
  
“Kinda puts thing into perspective, yeh?”  
  
I turn around to find Niall standing there with some crisps and cokes. We both sit on his bed, munching on the crisps and sipping our drinks. Doing everything but not talking to each other. The silence didn’t bother me though. It felt welcoming. As if Niall was waiting for me to say something.  
  
“I remember how I actually enjoyed this trip. Zayn was so nice back then. He actually acted like he was my boyfriend.”  
  
Niall rolled his blue eyes at me, and stared at me disapprovingly. “You mean you let him act like he was your boyfriend.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I was suddenly defensive. I guess we are just going to get right into this. Something I dreaded long enough to talk about.  
  
“I mean that you might blame him for not always acting like you were a couple, but as an outside observer, you really sometimes put him at a distance.”  
  
I didn’t know what to say. I never really noticed this. The lack of a lies tells me that I actual did what he’s telling me.  
  
“But that’s your problem Harry, you put everyone at a distance. Recently you have actually been letting people in, but without realizing it, you shove them back out, and honestly the whiplash hurts.”  
  
“We barely even talk.”  
  
“But it’s still painful for us,” he says with a sad look. “Liam included.”  
  
“How could it be painful, this really isn’t any of yours or Liam’s problem?”  
  
“It is when our two best friends are in so much misery because of it. The only difference is that Zayn actually lets us in. He actually tells us how he feels. You, on the other hand expect people to find out. And if they fail at doing that, you just get angry and shut yourself down again.”  
  
“So now it’s my fault for not letting you in, yeh? I’m the one to blame?”  
  
“Can you stop getting so mad and listen to me dammit!” he raises his voice a bit, before continuing in a more soothing tone. “Sorry to be harsh man, but you kinda are the one to blame here. Not about the fights, not anything like that. But you are the one to blame about not letting us in.”  
  
I just stay silent. I get what he’s saying, but it’s weird to have him be so brutally honest. It’s kind of painful really, to hear how much strain my problems have been putting on everyone. It hurts to know that all the internal pain I have, was unknowingly inflicted into the people that care about me the most. I hate how much I have to ruin things for myself, and I can’t even keep the danger zone on me, I have to go and fuck things up for others too.  
  
“I’ll be the most honest I can with you, yeh?” I nod my head yes and he continues, “It’s about time you grow up. You can only be this little heartbreaking kid for so long. I get that you might not know who to grow up into, but you just need to do it, mate. You’re actually a great guy, I wouldn’t be your friend if not, but sometimes you can be a drag. You live in your own little black infested bubble sometimes, and you try to drag us in with you. You need to leave all of that behind. Start to grow up, and stop lying to yourself. You act like you want help, but you push us away when we try to help. We only want to understand you and to be able to help you, but the moment we get an inkling as to who or what you are, you’re gone a thousand miles a minute, in a million different directions. You really need to choose one direction and go with it.”  
  
Here’s someone else who seems to be able to rip me of all my walls and leave me metaphorically naked. Niall’s words hit me like daggers in my heart. He was right. I’m a screw up.  
  
I play with a greasy crisp in my hand. I never really had an appetite, and if I did, it’s long gone by now.  
  
“I just don’t know how to do that.”  
  
“Start by making choices and stop leaving them until everyone has made them for you.”  
  
I decide here and now to just bare my soul to him. This could be the help I need. I said I needed someone, well here someone is. Here is someone who is prepared to be here for me, someone who is ready to push back when I try to push them away. I’m not going to let this opportunity go.  
  
“Where do I start?”  
  
“Easy, Zayn or Louis,” he says with a smile. He must be happy that I’m actually trying here.  
  
“At this point neither, that choice has been made for me.”  
  
“You can fix things, Harry. But this time, you can’t have both. You have to choose who will be your boyfriend and who will be your friend, mate.”  
  
“I don’t think either of them really want anything to do with me.”  
  
“Both of them want you. Trust me. You have just royally fucked things up with both.” He says, chucking.  
  
“Why can’t things be as easy as you have it with Liam?”  
  
Wait, can I take that back? Shit I wasn’t supposed to say that. Fuck. I’m not supposed to know about him and Liam. He’s never told anyone, at least I don’t think he did.  
  
Niall’s gets all flustered, his cheeks turning crimson red. Usually he is well composed and calm, but not now. I guess I took him by surprise. He just sits there stuttering, staring at the floor. I think he’s trying to come up with a lie on the spot.  
  
“How- How did you know?” He finally lets out. It would be way too obvious for him to have lied.  
  
“Saw you guys kissing at Zayn’s party,” I lie, hoping that it had happened.  
  
“We thought you guys had crashed and that no one else would remember or think that we were really drunk. Just please don’t tell anyone, Harry. Liam doesn’t want his dad to find out. He thinks that his dad might forbid him to see me, or even kick him out of the house. I can’t let that happen to him. I- I really care about him Harry. Please just don’t say anything.”  
  
I let him know that I would keep it to myself before we fall into a comfortable silence. I am so happy that my lie worked. I want to be done with the lies, but I would of sounded like a nut job if I tried to go around telling people that I am a human lie detector. That would be my one way ticket to the asylum. I already have a hard enough time trying to convince myself that I don’t belong there.  
  
“So who do you choose?” Niall’s the first to speak. “I won’t judge you or hate you. I promise.”  
  
“I’m really scared of even making a choice really.”  
  
“It’s understandable. No matter what you do, someone is going to end up hurt.”  
  
He’s right, no matter who I choose, the other is going to be hurt. I have been with Zayn for a long time. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss. He’s the one who took my virginity. In his own way he really cares for me. But do I care for him? Maybe I do, but as a friend.  
  
And then there is Louis. Louis. The guy who’s different from everyone around me. The guy that makes me want to be a better person. He’s just not like the people I’m used to. I want to give him a chance but it’s so uncertain. I know that he likes me; I know that I like him. I really like him. But that’s how it started with Zayn. We both liked each other, but our feelings were lost somewhere along the way. I don’t want to be in this position a year from now again. I feel as though even through all my routine, I can be one of the most fickle people out there.  
  
That’s when his words come back to me. About the routine. Going back to Zayn is my routine. I have always gone back to him. He’s always been my choice because he’s been all I have ever known.  
  
That’s what scares me about Louis. It’s the fact that he’s the unknown. He does anything, whenever he wants to. He’s spontaneous. He’s daring, and brave, but yet he’s calm, and cautious. He’s the perfect medium. He’s my happy medium. This could be what I need. This could be my break from routine. This could be the biggest help that I could take. I know who I have to choose.  
  
“Louis,” I tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you knew Harry was going to pick Louis (; We love you guys very much and thank you for still reading Sab! Don’t forget to Subscribe/comment/Kudos and tell your friends!


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are horrible at uploading these chapters on time. Well better late than never! All I gotta say for this chapter is that it made me cry. Also there’s a couple of flashbacks in the story, We didn’t label them but I’m sure you’ll pick up on them. I don’t own One Direction (muffled cry) or Blackbird by The Beatles.

After that conversation I had with Niall, I felt as if a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. It felt good to finally be open about myself with someone. Step by step I was putting all of my walls down. I still had my guard up, but I was just so intact with my conscious and my decisions. Niall really did help me, but I think it’s time I helped myself.  
  
I felt a little bit more in control. I felt in control of myself and all the decisions that I was making. It was such an unfamiliar feeling to stray away from my routines, but it felt good. That’s not to say that I had confronted Louis and Zany again. And I feel like that’s okay. I know what I want and who I want, I’m just a bit scared, and that’s okay, right? It’s okay for me to be scared, I know that now. But I really, really, want to tell Louis about how I feel for him. I just hope he still feels the same.  
  
What if he stopped liking me? What if he realized that I was just a waste of his time? I really don’t deserve him. He deserves someone way better than me. Someone who isn’t fucked up. Louis is a great guy. He doesn’t deserve someone who fucks up all the things around him. Hopefully I’m not that person anymore.  
  
Zayn deserves someone better too. He’s a good guy, he needs someone who actually cares about him. He could sometimes be the world’s biggest cunt, but he wasn’t lying when he told me he had trouble expressing his feelings. I tried to blame the barrier between us on him, but we were both at fault, and that’s not what he deserves. He needs someone who he can care for him fully, who won’t go and destroy his heart like I did. And I’m definitely not that person. We had our good times and our bad times, but in the end I’m not right for Zayn, and really, I don’t even know if I’m right for Louis. I know he’s perfect for me, but am I perfect for him?  
  
Thoughts like those have been consuming my mind for days. I feel better about myself, but I still feel alone. I still have this longing feeling in my heart that drags me down to rock bottom. A part of me really wants Louis to come to me. I want him to chase after me like he used to. I want him to be the one to spontaneously come to my house and tell me how much he cares about me, and how great our lives are going to be together. I just want him to make the move I am terrified of making. I really want him to do that, but that’s selfish of me to even think about that. It’s time for me to stop waiting for people, I need to take action. I need to talk to Louis. I need to break my routine.  
  
~*~  
  
I was in my room getting ready to dial up Louis’ number when my dad knocked on my door. I put down my phone, and got up from my bed to unlock the door. Des is smiling back at me, holding two cups of lemon tea.  
  
“Do you want to talk?”, Des said waving one of the cups under my nose. The citrus smell of the tea filled my nostrils up, giving me a sense of pleasure and happiness.  
  
“Ya dad, come in.”  
  
We sat on my bed, drinking our cups of tea in comfortable silence. It’s a while before Des breaks it.  
  
“So, Harry, tell me what’s wrong. I know something is bothering you so don’t even deny it.” Des said, winking at me.  
  
“How did you know that something was wrong… Did Niall tell you?” Niall can’t ever keep his mouth shut.  
  
“What? Niall?” Des laughed. “I haven’t seen that crazy boy in almost a year! Tell him and Liam to come over one day. And no it wasn’t Niall, son.”  
  
“So who told you then? Did Louis tell you? Oh God, please don’t tell me that he spontaneously came over again!”  
  
“Harry calm down! Niall didn’t tell me, and Louis didn’t come over. A father can tell when his son is feeling down, you know? I’m not completely blind. Plus you’re like glass. You’re not very good at hiding your emotions, kiddo.” Des said with a sad smile plastered on his face, ruffling my hair.  
  
“I know you’re not blind dad. It’s just that you’re always busy, and I didn’t expect for you to notice things like that.”  
  
“I always have time for you, Harry! You’re the only thing special that I have in my life. Can you please tell me what’s bothering you.”  
  
I really feel bad about being so distant with my dad. That’s really another wall I’m going to need to fix, or really, to break.  
  
In truth, I’m really the only family he has left. My grandparents live too far away for us to visit them, and they hardly ever call. He doesn’t get along with his brothers, and mum, well mum’s been gone for a long time now.  
  
“Zayn and I broke up. Well not officially, but we’re not together anymore.”  
  
“Okay, is that it? Knowing you Harry, and how you feel about Zayn, I’m sure there’s something else bothering you.”  
  
He was right.  
  
“I really am an open book, huh?”, Des chuckled and nodded at me. “But you’re right. It’s not about that. Dad, I think I might be falling for Louis. No scratch that, I know I am. I’ve only known him for about a month, but there’s just something different about him. He just makes everything better, without even trying. I don’t know… I just- every time I think about him or look at him, I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. Do I sound crazy? I do right, oh Gosh I’m so pathetic.”  
  
I really am pathetic. I’m talking about boy problems with my dad.  
  
“Oh Harry you’re not pathetic! It happens to best of us. And you’re not crazy. I remember falling for someone. It made me do and say many crazy things, but that’s what it’s all about. It is beautiful, funny and good. And sometimes these feeling can be scary, wild, and just plain old crazy! And you know what, Harry? That’s okay because it really is worth fighting for. Sometimes you end up taking sacrifices, not for yourself but for others. I promise you that you’re not pathetic or crazy.”  
  
I’ve never heard my dad talk like that before. He was looking a bit teary eyed, and a part of me knew the reason why he was getting so upset. I remember him telling me one day that the only person he ever fell in love with was my mum. My mum was his first love. Not his first everything, but my mum was the first person he really loved. Sadly, she was the first and last person he ever truly loved.  
  
“Do you miss her, dad?” I asked him, already knowing the answer. We never talk about mum. It’s like she was never here in the first place. I miss her, despite how she could get. I miss her sweet laugh. I miss how for some reason, she always smelled like cigarettes and strawberries. But most of all, I miss her voice. She had such a pretty voice, when she sang to me. She used to sing all the time, and sometimes when she had time to tuck me in at night, she would sing to me her favorite songs. I remember her smiling down at me, playing with my hair singing songs about blackbirds.  
  
 _“Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free” _  
  
“You’re my little blackbird, Harry.” She would say to me, after kissing me on the forehead.  
God I really miss her. Why did she have to go?  
  
“Of course I miss her, Harry. I think about her every single day. You can’t just forget about someone like your mum, she was a wild spirit, wasn’t she?” He laughed, and closed his eyes. Tears started rolling down his cheeks.  
  
I moved closer to him, and enveloped him in a long hug. She’s been gone for years now, but he has never broken down like this. I guess he has some walls of his own.  
  
“I still love her, ya know? I never stopped loving her, Harry. God she was fucked up, she really was. But I loved her. I loved her even when she started getting deeper into the drugs, and alcohol. I could never stop loving her…” Des said in between sobs.  
  
I can feel his wet tears on my shoulders. I hold on tighter to him. Soon enough I start crying. This is just all too much for me. I can’t believe we went so long without talking about her. We went so long pretending as if everything was alright.  
  
“Do you remember when she died? I know you were only eleven years old, so you might not remember everything.” Des asked me.  
  
“I remember, dad. How can I forget? It was one of the worst days of my life.”  
  
~*~  
  
I was sitting in my math class, trying my best to pretend as if I was listening to whatever equation Ms. Clark was explaining on the chalkboard, when the loud speaker rang.  
  
“Hello Ms. Clark?” said Ms. Davies with her way too loud and obnoxious voice, over the loud speaker.  
  
“Yes? May I help you Ms. Davies?”  _You annoying old bat. You always have to interrupt my classes._  Ms. Clark yelled out, having to repeat herself a couple of times so Ms. Davies could hear her.  
Ms. Davies was an old tiny lady, with a lost of hearing on her right ear. Why she was still working in schools, I don’t know.  
  
“Yes, you may. Is Mr. Harry Styles there? He needs to go to the main office with all of his belongings. He’s being picked up.” Miss. Davies said, not even giving Ms. Clark time to answer before she hung up from the loud speaker.  
  
“Well you heard her, Harry. Pick up all of your belongings and go to the main office. Don’t forget that you have to read chapter 3 of the textbook and answer the questions at the end of the chapter.” Ms. Clark said, returning to the equation on the board, not even caring to see if I was listening to her or not.  
  
I packed up my spider man book bag, and left the classroom. I found it funny that I as being picked up from school at such an early time. It was only 9 a.m., an my dad was working, and mum should be at home. Maybe I had a doctors appointment.  
  
When I walked into the main office, who I saw was not my mum, and not even my dad, but my uncle Andrew, who I haven’t seen since I was six years old.  
  
I walked up to him and said hello. He didn’t respond back, he just kept staring at me with this blank look in his eyes.  
  
“So why are you picking me up? Do I have a doctors appointment? I don’t see why Anne or Des couldn’t pick me up.” I asked him.  
  
“Harry something happened…” He said, his voice sounding sad and tired.  
  
“What happened? Is everything okay? Why aren’t you answering me!” My voice was out of control by the end, as I was starting to get worried. Everyone in the main office was staring at me but I didn’t care. I had this gut feeling that something bad happened, and him not telling me was just making it worse.  
  
“Harry just- I can’t tell you know. Come on let’s go to the car so I can drive you to the hospital.”  
  
“Wait what? The hospital? Why are we going there?”  
  
He didn’t respond, he just took my hand and walked me to his car. The whole fifteen minute drive to the hospital was silent. All I could hear was the sounds of the strong winter winds outside. With every minute that passed, my heart started to beat harder and faster the closer we got to the hospital.  
After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived at the hospital. We walked directly to the information desk and Andrew asked the lady something, and then he took my hand again and guided me to the elevator. Andrew pushed on number 7, and he held on tighter to my hand as the elevator was reaching our destination.  
  
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Please just tell me. I know something bad has happened. It’s better if you just tell me now.”  
  
“Okay. Harry… your mum was found unconscious on a highway. The doctors say that it was a drug and alcohol overdose. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.”  
  
His last words hit me like knives, repeatably stabbing at my heart. It felt as if everything around me was spinning around in circles, and my vision soon became blurry. I felt like throwing up. I don’t even remember how I go to the waiting room, but there I was and I saw all of my family members there. Even some people that I didn’t recognize. They all looked sad and worried, but they weren’t hurting as much as I was. Their mother was not dying.  
  
I ran to my dad and he picked me up and I just let myself cry on his shoulders. He wasn’t crying, but he looked as if he was before. He was always the strong one in our family. Every time something bad happened, he was always the one to keep us grounded.  
  
“Where is she dad? Daddy please tell me she’s going to okay?” I asked him through sobs.  
  
He held on tighter to me and whispered in my ear, “She’s getting her stomach pumped now, kiddo. She’s going to be okay, I promise.”  
  
We sat in the waiting room for four hours before the doctor came in. He walked in looking at his clipping board before asking for the relatives of my mum. My dad was the first one to stand up. We were anxiously waiting for what he had to say.  
  
“We pumped her stomach, but that was all we could do. She had consumed many drugs and alcohol, we really don’t know if she’s going to be alright. She’s in room 315 now. You may visit her, but only two people at a time.”  
  
My dad and I ran to her room. The hallway seemed to get longer the closer we got there. We opened  
the door and what we saw was just an unbelievable sight. I’ve never seen my mum look so fragile as she did now. She was pale, and skinny, and she had dark black bags under her eyes.  
  
I walked over to her and held her hand. I felt her squeeze a little. My mum was the first one to speak,  
  
“I’m really sorry. I promised I wasn’t going to do it again but I couldn’t help myself, and oh God I’m really sorry.”, she said, with tears forming in her eyes.  
  
“Oh Anne love, please don’t apologize. It was my fault. I should of gotten you help. I should of done something, I should of never let you get this bad. I really wish that I would have seen that it was as bad as it is, I really want help for you.”  
  
My dad walked up to my mum and placed a chaste kiss on her lips, almost as if not to break her.  
  
“It’s okay Des. What matters now is that I’m okay, and I’m going to recover now. I promise I am. I’m going to be a good mommy for you now, Harry.” She squeezed my hand even harder.  
  
“Okay mommy. I’m sorry and I love you.” I said through chocked out sobs.  
  
“Cm’here, Harry. Lay with mommy on the bed.” My mum said, making room for me to lay on.  
  
“I want you to remember something, Harry.”, I nodded and rested my head on her lap, “Are you listening? Okay good. Even in the darkest of times, there will always be a light to guide you home. Okay my little blackbird? Never forget that.” She said, placing a kiss on my forehead like she always did when she used to tuck me into bed.  
  
“I won’t I promise.”  
  
I fell asleep listening to sounds of her singing.  
  
 _“Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise”  
  
~*~  
  
It was only three days later that my mum died of a heart failure. There was nothing the doctors could do. The light of my life was gone forever.  
  
~*~  
  
Our lemon teas were finished and we were no longer crying. As sad as it was, it felt good talking about my mum. There was still so many things left unsaid, but I’m glad that my dad and I finally talked about her.  
  
“I think Anne wants us to be happy, buddy. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves anymore. You need to talk to Louis. You can’t let him go, son. Don’t be afraid, because if you don’t talk to him, you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.”  
  
“You’re right dad. I promise I’m going to talk to him. I’m going to go over to his grandmas house tomorrow and tell him how I feel. And dad, you can’t be alone anymore. You need to find happiness again. For starters, call up your mom and your brothers. You should invite them for dinner, or we can even visit them if you’re not busy. Dad, you can’t spend the rest of you life alone. Mum wouldn’t want you to do that. You need to start seeing people again.”  
  
Ever since my mum died, my dad started a routine of his own as well. All he did was go to work, and then go straight home. He never went out on dates or even went out with his friends.  
  
“Okay, Harry. I’ll do that. But only if you promise to talk to Louis.” He said smiling.  
  
“I promise, dad.”  
  
Looks like many routines will be broken. It’s a scary prospect for all of us, but maybe the spontaneity of it all will be bearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s probably like one of the saddest chapters I will ever write for SAB! You guys are amazing for still reading SAB! Don’t forget to Kudos/comment/subscribe and tell your friends!


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say for this chapter is: Louis. We changed our updates to Wednesday instead. Sorry for the grammar mistakes! We didn’t beta this chapter lol. Happy readings.

The clock in Ms. Jensen’s class struck 2:30. School was over and the extremely loud and obnoxious end of the day bells started ringing.  
  
For others, school ending was something great, but for me it is absolutely horrible. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like school just as much the next kid. The thing is that those kids didn’t have to face a nerve racking confrontation after school.  
  
Louis and I are finally going to see each other after weeks of not even uttering a single word to each other. A few weeks had passed since I had talked to my dad. Niall had told me that Zayn needed space. I took that into consideration and decided that not only did Zayn need space, but Louis and I need to take some time away also. I finally felt like it was time to talk to Louis.  
  
A part of me is feeling really happy about this, because I really did miss him. But I can’t even try to pretend as if I’m not scared as fuck right now.  
  
I’m not really scared of telling him how I feel, because I’ve practice it way too many times in front of the mirror for that. But I’m just scared of what he’s going to think. I’m even more scared of what he’s going to say.  
  
If he say’s he’s done with me, then I will let him go. I will let him go and let him be happy. He deserves to be happy. He deserves someone who makes him happy. Am I less of a man if I hate that person, even if he’s going to make Louis happy?  
  
I am. I know I am. But I can’t help but feel as if he has given up on me. As if there’s no chance for him to forgive me.  
  
I’m beginning to think that calling him last night, wasn’t the brightest thing to do.  
  
I mean we didn’t actually talk. I just asked him if we could meet up today after school and he said “okay”. A simple okay. He said nothing else and hung up the phone.  
  
And now I’m waiting freezing my ass off in the cold winter air, waiting for him in the school parking lot. Being realistic, I’m not even sure if he’s going to show up.  
  
To my good fortune, or bad fortune that is, Louis did show up.  
  
He pulled up his black Acura right in front of me. He rolled down his black tinted window and just stared at me. I imagined him to look really sad and tired, but to my disbelief he looked okay. He didn’t look happy, but he looked okay.  
  
He looked better than me, at least.  
  
I don’t know if that’s any good or bad.  
  
“So are you going to come in? I have the heater on and you look pretty cold, Harry.” Louis asked.  
  
“Y-Yea I-I’m coming.” I stuttered.  
  
I’ve never felt so nervous in my life. Why was I so nervous? He was either going to say that he didn’t want anything to do with me or that he did. It was simple. So why was I acting like a nervous and scared little boy?  
  
I walked to his car, opened the door, got in and strapped the seat belt on. He didn’t say anything. He just started driving. To where? I don’t know, but his gas tank is filled up, so hopefully somewhere far.  
  
“Hi.” I said.  
  
I was so nervous, that I couldn’t find any other thing to say to him other than hi. Oh God, I am pathetic.  
  
“Hey.” Louis said, locking his deep blue eyes with mine.  
  
I never noticed how pretty his eyes are.  
  
“Louis I-”  
  
“No it’s okay, Harry. You don’t have to say anything. You chose Zayn. I didn’t think I was going to be any good for you in the first place. I-I’m happy for you.”  
  
What? He thinks I chose Zayn. If he knew how completely wrong he was. If he knew that I want nothing more than to be friends with Zayn and to just be with him. Only him. A little voice inside my head told me that I should tell him that.  
  
“Louis,” I placed my hand on his thigh.“I need you to understand that you don’t have it right. I didn’t choose Zayn. I chose y-you.”  
  
Louis looked completely in shock. He looked as if he didn’t even believe the words that were coming out of my mouth.  
  
“Me? You chose me? I- I don’t know what to say.” Louis said, placing his free hand on my thigh.  
  
“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen, okay?”  
  
Louis didn’t say anything, he just tightened his grip on my hand.  
  
I was going to tell him my well rehearsed speech, but he stopped his car and parked outside of the park. The park where I was drunk, spilling my guts out to Louis all those months ago.  
  
“Why are we going here, Lou?” I asked. I didn’t miss the faint smile on his lips to the mention of the nickname.  
  
“If we’re going to actually talk about this, we can’t do it while I’m driving. I need to know that you’re going to be sincere. I need to look at you and hold you.” He said.  
  
We walked in silence to one of the picnic tables in the park. It was only 3 o’clock, but we were the only ones there. I guess it was because it was freezing outside. No one in their right mind would go to the park in such a weather. No one but some crazy kids like us.  
  
We sat at the table facing each other, with our feet sprawled across the benches, touching each other. It was sweet, but almost like a barrier at the same time. At least we were able to share the body heat.  
  
“Soooo?” Louis cooed.  
  
“So what?” I asked.  
  
“So you wanted me to listen, but you’re not saying anything. Talk.” He spat. I can understand why he was acting that way. I made him wait so long for me and I treated him like crap. I wouldn’t even have waited that long.  
  
“I know you’re mad,” Louis let out a loud huff. “and that’s okay. I would be mad at myself too, Louis. But there’s just somethings that you need to understand about me.”  
  
Louis tapped on my leg, and I continued, “What you need to understand is that I don’t completely understand myself. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, who I really am. It’s just really hard. I wanted to be able to lay all my cards on the table and tell you exactly what it is that you’re getting yourself into. But even though that this is me we are talking about, the roller coaster is freaking me out too. I am trying as hard as I can to help myself, fix myself and find that day where I just look at myself in the mirror and tell myself, this is who I am.”  
  
“I’ll wait for that day with you, and I’ll ride the roller coaster with you.” Louis said, his tone a bit softer this time.  
  
“Oh God Louis why are you so good to me? Why are you willing to wait for me when I treated you like absolute crap? I-I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your patience and your kindness. I really don’t.”  
  
Louis started tracing shapes on my legs, and after a while he said, “I wait for you, because I know you’re worth it. Yes I am mad at you, but that doesn’t mean I hate you, okay? I know how confusing this can be, I was here two years ago. I’ll never hate you for being you, even if you don’t know who that is. Now go on tell me what you needed to tell me. And don’t be scared okay? I know you’re scared. I’m scared too.”  
  
“Okay. I’m just going to say it because if I keep holding it in I think I’m going to explode,” I laughed. “I like you Louis. I like you very very much. And I know it’s crazy for me to say this after the way I treated you those weeks ago, but I was just so overwhelmed and tired. I put all of my anger out on you, and I’m sorry for that. You were only trying to help me and I just pushed you away.”  
  
Louis’ eyes seemed softer and he moved closer to me. He still didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to say anything. I just wanted him to listen.  
  
“I push people away all of the time. It’s my routine. I don’t like letting people in my life, because I’m scared that I’m going to mess them up like I mess myself up. I didn’t want you to be like me, Louis. I didn’t want to ruin you. So I tried to tell myself that what I was feeling for you and that what you were feeling for me was all a very well fabricated imagination. I tried to convince myself that you didn’t really mean what you said, and that you really didn’t like me, but I knew that I was kidding myself.”  
  
I don’t know when I started crying, but Louis had his arm wrapped around me, and he was so warm and it felt nice being under him. I felt protected.  
  
“I knew that you were being sincere, and I hated it! I hated it because I wanted you to lie, and tell me that you hated me. I was being selfish, and I only wanted you to do that, just so I won’t have to come up with the realization that I liked you back. Deep down, I knew that I liked you back. I knew that already in so little time. You made me feel better than Zayn has ever had in a year. You made me feel good about myself, as if I was worth living.”  
  
Louis pressed his body closer to me, and started playing my hair.  
  
“I spent that time away from you thinking about many things, but most of all, I thought about what I wanted to do with my life. And how I needed to change my life. How I needed to step out of my routine. So I started doing things differently. I started being more open with myself and pushing down more of my walls. I even was open with myself with other people. I had talked to Niall, and he told me that I needed to start making my own decisions. I talked to my dad, and he showed me that I needed to stop living my life in regrets, because you never know when someone you really care about is gone, or when it’s going to be your last day living.”  
  
Louis was listening so carefully to every word that I was saying to him. His big blue eyes never left my green eyes. It was endearing.  
  
“And so I started making my own decisions, and caring about myself and about my future. I realized that I want to go to college, somewhere far. Take a year off, and go someplace. Somewhere like London. I don’t want to waste my life regretting things. I want to go places, and I want to go places with you. When I think about my future, I think about you and us. And how I want you to be a part of my future. And how I want to go to London with you, and even share a nice flat. I want you to be my future. I want you to be with me when I’m feeling happy and cheery, and when I’m feeling down and angry. I want you to be at my graduation. I want you to be proud of me. I want to go on camping trips with you in the summer time. I want to hold your hand and count the stars at night. I want to fall asleep in your arms. I want all of that, and more. But most of all, I want you to feel the same for me. I want to know that it’s not too late for us. Please tell me that it’s not too late for us?”  
  
There I did it. I poured my heart and soul to him. And you know what? Even if he say’s it’s too late for us to start all over, I’m still going to feel proud about myself because this was the first time in a long time, that I was completely honest with myself.  
  
My chest was beating really hard and I wanted nothing more than for Louis to say something, so this anxiety that I felt in my heart could go away.  
  
Louis placed both of his hands on my shoulder and asked, “Do you know what I want?” I shook my head no, and he moved a little closer to me. “I want nothing more than to kiss you right now.”  
  
“I’d like it if you did that, Louis.”  
  
And so he leaned in and kissed me passionately on the lips. He kissed me hard, but full of need and wonder, and I kissed him back with the same passion and desire.  
  
He tasted like a summer garden.  
  
Louis pulled out of the kiss and rested his head on my mine. “I wanted to do that for so long Harry. You don’t understand.” Louis said, kissing me again on the lips.  
  
He kissed my forehead, then my eyes, and my cheeks, and finally my lips again. I smiled into his kiss. I’ve never felt so happy in my life.  
  
“Everything you said about the future, and wanting to be a part of my life, Harry, I want that too. I want it so bad. I want to take you home with me, and introduce you to my mum because I know she’ll love you. I want to show you every inch of London, and go on a crazy adventure with you. Will you on a great adventure with me?” He asked.  
  
“I’ll go anywhere with you.” I said.  
  
He intertwined his fingers with mine. I never felt so complete in my life.  
  
“And I’ll take you anywhere. Come on let’s go somewhere!” Louis shouted, with a big smile plastered on his face.  
  
I’ve never seen him so happy. He smiled so hard, that he outshone the sun.  
  
I laughed at that. He seemed so eager to start our “great adventure.”  
  
Ours. That sounded nice.  
  
“No not so fast, Lou. Where does this leave us?” I asked.  
  
“What do you mean?” Louis asked with a confused look on his face.  
  
“What are we now?”  
  
“Oh. Well, my mother always told me to do things proper, and even though this doesn’t really count because we’ve already kissed and what not,” He took my hand and kissed it. “Will you do me the honer of going on a date with me, Harry?”  
  
My cheeks turned a dark shade of red. I’ve never blushed so hard in my life. Louis smiled and commented on how cute I was being. “I-I of course I will.” He grabbed my face and kissed me once again. I could get used to this.  
  
Louis grabbed my hand and we started running. “Where are we going? And why are we running?” I screamed, but I couldn’t help but laugh.  
  
“We’re going to my car. Going to an old music shop, and then we’re going to get some ice cream. If that’s okay with you of course.” Louis said. I nodded and told him that it was a fantastic idea.  
  
My future already seemed brighter.  
  
~*~  
  
We drove a little until we ended up at a little hole in the wall music shop. It was one of those vintage ones, with a bunch of records, dating back to the 80’s. There was also a lot of CD’s, and even some newer popular ones. There were so many CD’s and records and they all just seemed so cool. Most of them were really cheap too.  
  
Louis and I spent our time just looking and laughing at some of the weirder band names. Louis didn’t believe me when I told him I had seen one called Fur Cups for Teeth.  
  
Suddenly he started just grabbing the really obscure ones. Before I really knew it, we had almost thirty CD’s. I don’t think I recognized any of them, except the really old ones like The Smiths and The Third Power, because my dad used to listen to them all the time.  
  
We ended up splitting the bill. They didn’t cost us too much. The cashier looked at us weirdly when we didn’t even check to see if we even liked them. I don’t think that we would regret it. Even if some of the songs weren’t great, it doesn’t really matter. We could always poke fun at some of the lamer songs.  
  
We started up a conversation with the clerk about the more obscure music. Before we knew it we had spent a full hour and half in the shop. By the end, Louis was shirtless and about to take off his pants to show the clerk all of his tattoos.  
  
“Oh and this one here’s an hour glass-”  
  
“I think it’s time to go, I’m getting kind of hungry Louis,” I said, before he completely took his belt off.  
  
“Oh! Okay, I guess it’s time we go,” Louis said, kind of put out. I guess he really wanted to show off more of his tattoos.  
  
“It was really great meeting you guys. I had a great time talking to you guys,” said the clerk as we left.  _It was fine until he started getting naked in the middle of store, good thing he’s a hot piece of ass._  
  
I couldn’t help but to shoot a glare at the clerk.  
  
We walk back to his car. Louis is just chatting excitedly about everything and nothing. It was actually more pleasant than I would have imagined.  
  
He started driving and I get lost in my thoughts.  
  
I really think that it’s amazing just how easily he forgave me and let it go. Actually, I don’t think he let it go, yet. I’m scared about that, but at least he’s forgiven me. Next person to do that for is Zayn.  
No, I’m on a date with Louis, no thinking about Zayn. Not the time.  
  
“Isn’t part of your routine thinking too much?” asked Louis, effectively ridding me of thoughts of Zayn.  
  
“It was, but they do say it takes 21 days to make or break a routine.”  
  
“Cheeky. Not bad Haz.”  
  
~*~  
  
The drive to the Icy’s Cream parlor took a lot longer than it should have. Like it should have taken five minutes tops, not half an hour to get there.  
  
Louis’ reason for this is that he wanted to check out some of the albums we had bought. So we drove around and around and around.  
  
We finally got there and the place was completely empty. It’s now that I realize that maybe ice cream isn’t the best idea in the middle of winter. There was a reason I was completely frozen earlier. I vocalize this to Louis.  
  
“Why, conform to popular belief, why not break from a routine?” was his answer.  
  
He has a point. But the cold ice cream is still slightly intimidating. We go to the new clerk here. I’m about to go with my usual white chocolate, when Louis tells the attendant,  
  
“Three scoops, two cones and surprise us. Literally anything.”  
  
I like this. This new and try anything once motto. It’s spontaneous.  
  
We sit down with our two cones in the seat right in front of the window. I have a scoop of pink, a scoop bright green and orange, and a scoop of white with some swirls. Louis’ scoops are brown, white and rainbow respectively.  
  
We just talk about going on a trip to Canada one day. At one point I start getting a little seductive with the ice cream, spending a little too long licking it. The effect on Louis is instant. His eyes glaze over and he trails off on whatever he was saying. I suddenly start getting it all over my lips and eating it really unattractively.  
  
“What’s wrong Louis?” I asked, trying to ask innocent.  
  
“You’ve got a little…” he trails off point to his lips.  
  
I lick it off my top lip.  
  
“Still on here,” pointing to his bottom lip.  
  
I lick it off the side of my lips.  
  
“Oh for god’s sake,” he exclaims before leaning and kissing me.  
  
His kiss is gentle. He opens his mouth slighty and licks my bottom lip. It’s my turn to lose my train of thought. He pulls away much too quickly for my liking.  
  
Suddenly the door bangs shut. I turn to see what it was but no one was in the parlour except for us. Until I see Zayn rush past the window with Liam and Niall trying to catch up.  
  
Louis and I turn to look at each, both with pained looks on our faces.  
  
“That really isn’t good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa! They kissed! (: I hope you guys liked this chapter! I have good news! Stars and Boulevards received a 10 out of 10 from Fanfic-Review! [Read it here.](http://fanfic-rater.tumblr.com/post/42638451191/fanfic-review-105)


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like a part two to chapter nine. It’s rather fluffy and smutty. Happy Readings.

I was torn. I was on a date with Louis, but I knew that I wanted to run after Zayn and talk to him. I didn’t want him to find out this way, and now that he did, I just can’t leave him hanging like that. He needs an explanation. It was a text from Niall that made up my mind for me.  
  
 **4:03 pm  
Don’t you dare chase after him… this is not your problem.**  
  
Louis, on the other hand, had other things in mind.  
  
“We should go after him. We should explain what this is,” he said, looking very conflicted.  
  
“No we are going to stay here and finish our ice cream, then we will go hang out at my place and share a nice goodnight kiss and agree to see each other soon. This is our first date. I’m sure as hell not going to let Zayn ruin it.”  
  
I knew that I was being a bit inconsiderate, but this was the first time that I’ve been really happy. I wanted to stay happy. If I chased after Zayn, I knew that my happiness was going to turn into an immediate rush of sadness.  
  
“What about Zayn? He’s my best friend. We need to make sure that he understands what this is.”  
  
“And what exactly is this?” I question with a raise of my eyebrow.  
  
“You are my boyfriend. And I am your boyfriend.” Louis said, with a light smile on his lips.  
  
I couldn’t help but smile too. Just hearing him call me his boyfriend made me feel happy and warm. But still. I wasn’t going to let Zayn ruin our day.  
  
“And that is exactly what he will understand from this. He saw us kissing. There’s nothing more to it than that really. He and I are over. We both need to move on.”  
  
“Are you okay, babe? Why don’t you want to talk to Zayn about this? Don’t you want him to be okay too? You guys need closure, Harry.” Louis said, holding on to one of my hands.  
  
“I just don’t want this happy feeling to go away. I don’t want this to be over.” I said.  
  
I gripped on tighter to his hand. I really didn’t want him to go.  
  
“What do you mean? You talking to him is not going to change what happened today, okay? You’re still going to be my boyfriend, and I’m still going to be your boyfriend. Nothing is going to change that. Not Zayn, not anyone.” He reassured me, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it.  
  
“You’re sweet, Lou. But I just- I don’t know. I really don’t want to talk to him about it today. Today is our day.”  
  
Louis looked at me and sighed, but I knew that he understood me. I just didn’t want to face Zayn right now, and he was okay with that. And this is one of things that I like most about Louis. How he’s able to understand me so easily. He doesn’t try to make me feel bad, but he’s still honest with me and I just appreciate that so much.  
  
He keeps me grounded.  
  
He’s my anchor.  
  
It’s crazy just how much he means to me, when we have only met a few months ago.  
  
“You can go after him if you want, Lou. I don’t think he wants to talk to either of us because he needs time right now, but if anyone, he would rather talk to you. If you really want to go and chase after him you can. I honestly won’t be mad.”  
  
“I just, I have to Haz. I’m really sorry. If you want I can give you a ride home before I go.”  
  
“No it’s fine, Lou. My dad works a few streets down; I’ll catch a ride with him when he’s done at five.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah go.”  
  
He gets up and kisses me. I could feel his emotion in the kiss. He was really torn up about this, but he couldn’t leave Zayn hanging like that. He’s a good friend to him. He stole his boyfriend, but nevertheless, he’s still a good friend.  
  
“I’ll call you after,” he said. “I really enjoyed myself today. I really hope we can do this again, minus the whole Zayn thing, of course.”  
  
“Yeah me too, Lou.”  
  
After that he leaves with a last smile as he walks out the door.  
  
I could tell that he really felt like he had to talk to Zayn. I wasn’t going to stop him. If this is something that he wants to shoulder, he can go right ahead. It’s really not that I don’t care about Zayn. I do, a part of me does care.  
  
I just don’t want to deal with it now. I know it’ll be best if I talk to him later.  
  
It’s just that like Niall said, this isn’t our problem. It’s Zayn’s. He knew that it was going to be a choice between him and Louis. I guess that I could have told him, but it was hard when he was avoiding me and had an excuse every time. Even after all the time I gave him.  
  
On top of that, what would I have told him? “Hey Zayn, I’m choosing your best friend over you.” That just seems pretty harsh. I know we would have told him eventually. But Zayn’s the kind of person who would expect me to stay single for ever just because I wasn’t with him.  
  
I really like Louis, and a part of me feels that Zayn knew that. It really shouldn’t have been as much of a surprise to him as it was.  
  
I finish my ice cream alone. It was closer to 4:30 now, so if I wanted to catch a ride with Des, I should probably leave. I pull out my iPod to listen to some music on the walk. The lyrics to Mr. Brightside by The Killers hit my ears, and I can’t help but think that it kind of fits this situation.  
  
Zayn must really be feeling like Mr. Brightside.  
  
The walk to my dad’s work is not that far, and doesn’t take as long as I had hoped. It’s just this little Italian restaurant. I think its family owned, but my dad is the head chef. He takes most of the day shifts to maybe have a chance at spending the night with me.  
  
The place is only starting to fill up for the regular supper rush. I rarely ever come here. It’s a bit more expensive than my non-existent paycheck can afford. I walk up to one of the waitresses to ask if my dad is there. She tells me to go right on into the back, pointing at the door I should use.  
  
“Harry, what are you doing here?” Des asks, once I poke my head in.  
  
“I just needed a ride home. I was just at the ice cream parlor a few blocks away.”  
  
“Okay, well I’ll be done in a few minutes. Go have a seat at the bar.”  
  
“Can I have a drink?”  
  
“Have as much as you want, just no liquor.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
I walk to the bar and order a cherry coke.  
  
~*~  
  
It wasn’t until later when I’m sitting alone at home in my room when I get a text from Louis.  
  
 **10:07 pm  
I’m on my way over. I’ll be there soon. –Louis xx**  
  
I text him back a simple “okay” so he knows I received his text and wait for him to get here.  
  
I play Temple Run on my phone while I wait. It’s only about five minutes later that I hear the bell ring, signalling that Louis was here. There is some muffled conversation, before a soft knock at my door.  
  
“Come in”  
  
Louis walks in, and I can’t help it as a gasp escapes from me. His left eye is almost swollen shut and quite black and blue.  
  
“What happened,” I exclaim as I rush over to him.  
  
“You should see the other guy,” he jokes, and I give him a look. “Zayn wasn’t really happy. I didn’t get two words in before he swung at me. I didn’t want to fight him, but he was throwing lots of hits and I had to defend myself, ya know? I got in a couple hits and by the time Liam and Niall pulled us off each other, he had a busted lip, and my eye was starting to swell up. I ended up leaving before we could even properly talk, although Liam did try and talk to me.”  
  
“Oh God Louis! I’m so so sorry! C’mere, I’ll give you something for that black eye.”  
  
I dragged Louis inside my room and sat him on my bed. He kept telling me how he was “fine” and,  
“ _Harryyy_  it’s not a big deal! It’s just a black eye. Plus it makes me look tough.”, but I wasn’t about to listen to him. His eye looked horrible.  
  
“Wait here you little rebel.”  
  
I go to get him some ice. I stop in the bathroom first.  
  
I couldn’t believe Zayn would do that. I get he was the jealous type, and that he would be pissed, but seriously that was just out of hand. Why in the world would he even react that way? I’m glad Louis defended himself. I hate fighting, but he had to do what he had to do. I really hate how Zayn thinks he can take, take, take, and not have any repercussions.  
  
I hate that they had to fight though. It shouldn’t have gotten this far. I should have gone and talked to Zayn. I don’t think he really would have listened to me if I had though. I wish Zayn could stop acting like a maniac.  
  
I’m breaking out of this crazy routine-type life of mine, and I can admit all of my past mistakes. I’m moving on, and I already feel like a better person. Why can’t Zayn do that? Why can’t he just let things go?  
  
I grab a towel and go downstairs. My dad is sitting at the counter nursing a cup of tea.  
  
“How is he?” my dad asked.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“How are you?”  
  
“I’m fucking pissed,” I answer angrily. “It’s not right. Zayn needs to learn to grow up! He always has to ruin things for me. Why can’t he just let me be happy, dad?”  
  
“Don’t you think that maybe that’s what Zayn’s problem is?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Zayn’s pissed at not only the both of you, but at himself. In his way, he really cared about you. Now, you guys are shoving it in his face, not consciously, mind you, that Louis makes you happy, while he didn’t. I think he might just hate himself for losing you. Think that over a bit, okay? I know it doesn’t justify what he did, but try to see it the way he does okay.”  
  
He gives me a sad look before walking into the living room. I grab the ice before making my way upstairs.  
  
Louis is lying on my bed, eyes closed. I clear my throat and he opens his uninjured eye to look at me.  
  
“I think I might get you an eye patch,” I say as I hand him the ice.  
  
“No I’ll look like a pirate.”  
  
“Your tattoos complete the look.”  
  
We laugh and fall into a very comfortable silence. That’s the thing with Louis, I never feel uncomfortable or awkward, and it’s really nice.  
  
“Can I ask you something?” Louis asks.  
  
“Yeah, go ahead.”  
  
“Why do have no pictures or anything, really? Your room, it’s just so bare and clean.”  
  
I look at my own room. He is right; there are literally only three things on the surfaces of my room, a lamp and two pictures. One of my mum, and one of my dad.  
  
“I guess, because…”  
  
I pause; my reasoning will seem really harsh.  
  
“Because…” he urges me to continue.  
  
“Because there wasn’t really anyone that I found that I cared enough about to put up a picture of. Well, that is until I met you.”  
  
He looks at me sadly.  
  
“And what about the cleanliness?” he asks.  
  
“What about it?”  
  
“I don’t think I have ever met anyone with a cleaner room.”  
  
“Because, as fucked up as she was, my mum was a neat freak. It kinda rubbed off on me, when she drilled ‘everything has its own place’ into my head.”  
  
“What do you mean fucked up?”  
  
I realized I never even talked to him about my mum. Scratch that, I never really talked to anyone about my mum.  
  
“I think that’s a conversation for another time don’t you think?”  
  
Before he could argue, I straddle myself on his lap and place the ice bag on his swollen eye. He hisses at the coldness.  
  
“Take it off! It’s cold!” Louis says, flicking my hand away from his face. I laugh at his childlessness.  
  
“Ohhh the tough man can’t handle a little ice? What a wimp!” I say, poking Louis in the belly.  
  
Louis scrunches up his nose and pouts. It’s rather cute. Well it was, that is before he took the ice bag and put it on the back of my neck.  
  
“You jerk!”  
  
I can’t even be mad. I start laughing like a maniac.  
  
“What’s so funny, Haz? Do you like the really cold ice? Paybacks a bitch isn’t it?” He teases.  
  
“I don’t know. You just make me happy. And no, I’m not very fond of the freezing ice touching my skin!” I answer.  
  
He doesn’t say anything. Instead he holds me tighter, as if a child was holding a teddy bear. He lets out a loud happy sigh. Well I assume it was a happy sigh.  
  
I nuzzle my nose into his neck and breathe in his scent. He smells like old forest wood, vanilla, and the summer time. Can anyone even smell like that? I don’t know. But he smelled like that and it was lovely.  
  
“You smell really good.”  
  
“And you taste really good. Seriously, I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want you to think that I was a creep, but you taste like honey.”  
  
“Honey? Really??” I ask curiously. This boy is crazy. Well I shouldn’t be talking because I just said that he smells like old forest wood, vanilla, and the summer time. I guess I’m a little crazy too.  
Louis kisses me softly on my lips and after he pulls out from the kiss he says, “mmhm yes honey! It’s like every inch of you tastes like honey!”  
  
I kiss him and smile into the kiss. “You haven’t even tasted all of me yet.” I say quietly.  
  
“Oh is that an invitation?” Louis asks seductively.  
  
“Perhaps.”  
  
Louis nods his head and I think he’s just going to deny my invitation, that is until he nips at my ear and I let out an undignified yelp.  
  
“That taste like honey toooo!” He coos, and breaks into a fit of giggles.  
  
I curl back up to him again. He does it again, and starts tickling my sides. We wrestle around for a few minutes, until wrestling turns into him kissing me. I kiss him back because his kisses really do feel like heaven.  
  
The kisses are sweet and light until I take the dive and kiss him a bit deeper. He keeps muttering the words, “honey honey honey” and soon we are heavily making out with our tongues as intertwined as our limbs. He’s on top of me, and he starts to trail open mouth kisses down my neck.  
  
His kisses feel really nice, but I want to have a little fun too. So I flip myself over so I’m the one on top of him now. He laughs and lazily brings his head up and kisses me.  
  
I slip my tongue into his mouth and suck at his tongue feverishly. “You don’t taste so bad yourself.” I whisper into his ear.  
  
He just smiles coyly at me and shoots me a wink. “You know I bet you taste good in other places too.” I say, already trailing down kisses down his stomach. I don’t even remember when we took our shirts off. But we did. And Louis looks gorgeous.  
  
“Let me take care of you babe,” I whisper whilst still trailing kisses down his stomach.  
  
“O-Okay just… Oh God p-please do that, Harry.”  
  
I don’t respond, I just unzip Louis’ pants and slip them down. His hard on was poking out of his boxers.  
  
“Hnnggg you’re fucking huge.” I mutter out, staring at Louis’ member.  
  
Louis said nothing but thrusted his hips up. I took that as an invitation and started stroking Louis’ hard on with my hand at a slow pace. I wanted him to last. Not only that, but I wanted to tease him.  
  
Louis just kept on thrusting his hips up even faster. “Calm down! I haven’t even started yet.” I said, picking up the pace in my strokes.  
  
“I’m sorry it’s that it just feels so fucking goooood.” Louis yelled.  
  
“Shhh! Des is downstairs.”  
  
Louis mutters an apology and I continue. Seeing him having to muffle out his moans turned me on even more. I licked two long stripes around Louis’ shaft before taking him in whole.  
  
I was right. He did taste good down there too.  
  
I licked my way around Louis’ head and flicked my tongue at his slit, emitting something that sounded like a chocked sob and a moan from Louis’ lips.  
  
I hallowed my cheeks and sucked on Louis’ member even more faster.  
  
“Hnnngg Harry you’re sofuckinggood at this. Mmmph faster ugh Harry faster.” Louis moaned out, trying his best to sound quiet.  
  
It only took a couple of more sucks and Louis was gone. He came right inside my mouth. I swallowed without any hesitation.  
  
We were both panting and sweating profusely. After Louis came down from his high, he kissed me on the lips, and said, “that was amazing. Wow.”  
  
“But now it’s my turn.”  
  
He grabs on to my dick and gives it a few tugs. It feels completely blissful, and his hand working me feels so good. It’s only few more strokes before,  
  
“I’m cuming Lou!”  
  
I shoot my load all over his hand and stomach. I see stars for a few seconds before I finally relax. I lean down and kiss him, his lips tasting so good. That reminds me.  
  
“You do taste good down there too.” I said after a while.  
  
We laughed and lied down on my bed completely covered in sweat and cum.  
  
If it was with anyone else, I would feel disgusted. But it was with Louis, so it was okay.  
  
After laying there for a few minutes, I finally get up and use the towel for the ice to clean us both up.  
  
We get dressed and Louis goes to the bathroom. When he gets back I’m sitting on my bed.  
  
“I guess I’ll go then,” he says gesturing towards the door.  
  
“No stay, Des won’t mind.”  
  
“Are you sure?” he asks, but he looks very hopeful.  
  
“Yes now get yourself over here! I want to take a picture,” I say getting my camera ready.  
  
“Why do you want to take a picture, Harry?” Louis asks, after sitting on the bed.  
  
“Because you’re special to me, and I want to remember all of our special moments.”  
  
He smiles at me and gives me a big sloppy kiss on the cheek, I take the picture right there and then.  
  
“We look good together.” Louis says after a while.  
  
“We do.” I say, in between yawns.  
  
“Are you sleepy, Haz? Cos I’m sleepy too.”  
  
I just yawn again and he picks me up and lays me down in my bed.  
  
He snuggles himself next to me and wraps his arms around my waist  
  
He kisses me gently on the lips and smiles.  
  
“Thank you, babe,” he whispers.  
  
“Goodnight, Lou,” I answer rolling my eyes before turning off the lamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That ending was totes cute, if you don’t agree you suck! Just kidding (: Feedback is always welcomed. kudos/comment/subscribe!!


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two fluffy chapters in a row what what??Maybe Penelope and I, are softening the blow that’s coming up next chapter. Which by the way, we’re going to be posting tomorrow. (; This chapter contains tooth aching fluff, shower sex, and superhero talk. Happy Readings.

The smell of turkey bacon and chocolate chip pancakes intoxicated my nostrils and woke me up. At first all I saw was a blurry figure kneeling in front of me on the bed, holding something that looked like a tray. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear my vision. In front of me was Louis, with a cheeky smile plastered on his lovely face. He wrinkled his nose up at me and pointed to my messy curly hair with his free hand. I laughed and ruffled my hair, only making it worse.  
  
“You look so cute, your hairs all fluffy looking.” Louis says, reaching out to touch my curly locks and ruffling them even more.  
  
I laugh and lean into his touch. He starts to massage my head with his fingers, and he begins to giggle.  
  
“Wasso funny, Lou?” I ask.  
  
“You just purred.” He says, still giggling.  
  
I didn’t even notice that I had done that. I just shake my head, causing him to take his hand off my head, and nuzzle into my pillow and under the covers once again. I feel him getting closer to me. He doesn’t say anything, but after a while he pokes my sides with his fingers.  
  
“Mhmm??” I yawn out.  
  
“I made us breakfast. Get up and eat with me, baby.” He says through bites of food.  
  
I had forgotten all about that tray of food that Louis was holding. I poked my head out of the covers and peeked through one eye.  
  
“Is that turkey bacon that I see?” I ask, already getting completely up from under the covers.  
  
“Of course. Turkey bacon is the absolute best. You guys didn’t have any, so I went to the grocery and bought a pack.” He responds, passing me a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, and pancakes.  
  
“Oh Louis you didn’t have to do that! I feel bad, but oh oh these eggs are really good! I didn’t know you could cook!?” I ask through mouthfuls of food.  
  
Louis winks and says, “No no no, don’t worry it’s no big deal! Plus what’s breakfast without some turkey bacon? A very boring breakfast that is.”  
  
I laugh and stuff some eggs in my mouth. This food tasted amazing. It was such a happy surprise for Louis to make breakfast for me. I don’t even remember the last time I actually ate breakfast, let alone a good one. We finish eating our breakfast and I take our plates and put them on the nightstand.  
  
“That was the best breakfast I’ve ever had. Congratulations. You’re officially my favorite person ever.” I say laughing.  
  
“Oh so now I’m your favorite person. So it takes food to get through your heart, huh?” He teases.  
  
I go up to him and place a kiss on his lips, “Oh hush your mouth and kiss me.” We lazily kiss each other and he wraps his arms around me. I pull out of the kiss and say, “You know I’ve been kissing your pretty little mouth, and eating your delicious food, but I have yet to even brush my teeth. My breath must reek!”  
  
Louis throws his head back in laughter. “I was going to tell you to brush your teeth before eating but I totally forgot. And weirdly your breath doesn’t smell bad at all. It smells like syrup and fried food.”  
  
“But I didn’t even have syrup on my pancakes, you did!”  
  
“Details! Details! Now get your ass up and brush your teeth and shower. I have a nice day planned out for us!” Louis responds excitedly.  
  
I lay my head on the bed and pretend to go back to sleep. Louis makes a ticking sound with his tongue, and picks me up from my bed and walks me all the way into my bathroom. He makes to put me down but I hold on tighter. He gives me a questioning glare and I say, “Mhmm I just like it when you hold me.”  
  
He smiles and places a kiss on my forehead. “I love holding you baby, but yeah you have to shower, you stink.”  
  
“No I don’t! Wait Do I?” I ask kind of scared that I actually might.  
  
“No, but you still need to take a shower.”  
  
“Do I really have to?” I say, looking into his blue eyes and doing my best to give him a puppy dog impression.  
  
“Yes, Haz. How ‘bout you shower real quickly and I’ll start browsing through some movies for us to watch later, yeah?”  
  
“Ughh okay! You better be here when I’m done!” I say to him, a bad impression at being intimidating.  
  
“I’ll never leave you.” Louis says smiling.  
  
The way Louis said that seemed like he was not just talking about leaving my house.  
  
“Okay, Lou.”  
  
He throws me my towel that he got from one of the cupboards in the bathroom and leaves.  
  
I turn the shower on and take off my clothes, letting it get warm before I step in. I get myself wet and lather my body with strawberry bubblegum scented soap. The water is just warm enough and it sends shivers down my spine. A happy sigh escapes my lips with thoughts of Louis and how great this morning was. I start to pop open the shampoo bottle (watermelon scented this time), before I hear the curtain open and some strong arms wrap around my waist.  
  
“Oh John, Louis is in my room, we can’t be doing this,” I say as I melt into his touch.  
He tenses up and I start to giggle.  
  
“I told you, we can only meet up on Tuesdays! Saturdays are for Kris, and the rest of the week is for Louis.”  
  
His arms loosen around me and he slacks off a bit.  
  
“I’m only –”  
  
That’s all I get out before his fingers attack my sides and I’m sent into a fit of laughter. His arms tighten again around me so I don’t fall, but he doesn’t stop his attack.  
  
“Stop,” I try to wheeze out between laughs.  
  
I see his face and he has a huge smile, and his unhurt eye is crinkled up and he looks so endearing.  
He finally relents in his attack, as I’m left gasping for breath. I turn to him and kiss his beautiful lips. He kisses back, and suddenly the kisses are becoming a little more heated. I pull away before we go any further and look into his eyes, silently asking him “are we going to do this.”  
  
He understands the look and whispers a quick “Yes”, before kissing me even harder than before.  
  
I moan into the kiss and I feel his member slowly rise up and start to press against my thigh. This kissing is slightly rough, but sensual and my whole body heats up with the way his lips move against mine. Our tongues slide against each other, no one really trying to get the upper hand, both of us just wanting to feel.  
  
His lips leave mine, and before I can complain, they attach themselves to my neck. I throw my head back while letting out a mix between a grunt and a moan. He sucks his way down to my collar bone before his fingers find my nipple and start rolling them between his index and thumb. I grab onto his bicep and slightly push him away before kissing his neck.  
  
My kisses turn quickly into sucking and licking. My hands find their way to his abs and slide down them stopping just at the v of his hips. I find a special spot that has him moaning my name, and I file that information away for later.  
  
He pulls me close and his hands wrap around both our shafts, creating a friction that I didn’t know I needed till now. His hand moves up, tugging both of them together, while I let out moan and a  
  
“Louis more.”  
  
I move up to meet our lips and I feel him smirk against me.  
  
He let’s go of his own manhood and keeps stroking mine. I miss the contact and warmth of his member, but take this as an invitation to take his in my hand.  
  
It’s just as big as it seemed last night, if not bigger. My hand has no problem wrapping itself around it, even with its larger size. I start moving my hand to the same rhythm he’s using on mine. The speed we are going at is achingly slow so I start to go faster on his hoping he’ll take the hint. With a moan, and break in his pace, he does get the hint, and starts to move his hand faster.  
  
His other hand moves from where it was, on my waist, to cup my ass. I groan at this feeling, enjoying the stimulation to my ass and cock. It gets to be too much when his finger starts to rub itself against my hole. For a second he hesitates and I look up to him and give him a questioning look. He gives me a shy smile and says, “ Didn’t know if I was taking it too far. Was that okay?” I respond by taking his finger and placing it back near my hole. He groans and presses in a little but not too much. We go like that, my hand starting to pump harder and faster, his fingers lightly teasing my entrance, as our breathing and moans get louder and more erratic. I quickly thank God that my dad had early morning shifts at work.  
  
I feel the usual heat coiling within my stomach, letting out a breathy “I’m close babe.”  
  
He pumps my cock at a faster rhythm. He moves his teasing finger from my hole and places his hand on my balls, massaging lightly. The feelings get too much, and without another warning, I am spilling out over his hand. I groan out and thrust my hips, his hand drawing out my full orgasm.  
As he removes his hands from my balls, his cock that was pulsing in my hand gets thicker as his hips trust up to meet with my pumps.  
  
“Fuck, Harry,” I hear him moan out as his cum comes shooting out all over my hand. I keep moving my hand as he slumps against the light blue tiled walls.  
  
I let myself fall gently against him too tired to try to hold myself up. We stay like that until our breathing returns to normal, and our legs stop feeling like jelly.  
  
“Wow,” is all that I can say.  
  
“I know, that was amazing,” he says looking at me with his eyes, seemingly darker than usual.  
  
He gives me chaste kiss, before grabbing the soap and starting to lather my body.  
  
“Strawberry bubble gum scented huh? What are you five?” he says laughing. I poke him in the sides and he makes an exaggerated “ouch” sound.  
  
I just stick my tongue out and take some of the watermelon scented shampoo and lather it on his head. He smiles and whispers out a “thank you.”  
  
“I like being taller then you. I get to wash your hair while standing up.” I say, still massaging his scalp with the watermelon scented shampoo.  
  
“I’ve always liked my men tall.” He says, throwing a wink at me with his good eye. I just laugh and take off the detachable shower head and rinse out his hair. He keeps on lathering my body, taking extra care on my nether regions, and I can do little to hide my hardening dick, or my blush.  
  
“My god, you are insatiable,” he says exasperatedly with a laugh. “Can’t you take a five minute break, babe?”  
  
“Not when I have someone like you, so sexy, so close, and so very naked.”  
  
For the first time, a slight blush creeps up onto his cheeks. I kiss him before rinsing myself off.  
His blush is still there even after I’m finished rinsing myself off. I tease him a little by taking more than enough care around his parts. To the point that he can’t help it getting a little harder than it was. I look at him and wink.  
  
“Real cheeky of you, you little bastard,” he says shaking his head. The smile on his lips tells me that he didn’t mean it in a mean way.  
  
I finish off cleaning him, letting him rinse off. As we get out of the shower, I take the time to actually admire his body.  
  
He is wonderfully lean, with a bunch of tattoos decorating his body. He has a slight tummy, but you can see the abs poking through. His biceps are wonderfully defined. He doesn’t have a nipple piercing like he did in my dream, but maybe I can convince him to get one. His legs are magnificent, and as he bends over to pick up our towels, I can’t help but ogle his ass.  
  
“See something you like,” he says as he turns around, catching me staring.  
  
“I don’t know, I might have to go and find John and Kris to compare,” I say before running out of the bathroom with both of our towels.  
  
“HARRY!” I hear him yell before footsteps follow mine.  
  
I can’t help but break down in laughter.  
  
~*~  
  
We changed into my old PJ’s and I settle myself in bed. Louis gets my laptop and the movies he has chosen for us to watch from the night stand and he props himself on the bed next to me. “Okay so one, you guys really need to get new movies. And two, X-Men or The Avengers?” he says, waving the DVD’s in my face.  
  
“Definitely The Avengers. I swear I’ve watched that movie like three times but I can’t get enough of it. I think that mainly has to do with how good Jeremy Renner looks in those trousers. Damn.”  
  
Louis shoots me a glare and pops in X-men.  
  
“I was just kidding! Well I wasn’t. Jeremy is a fine piece of—“  
  
Louis cuts me off by kissing me on the lips, slipping in his tongue, but taking it right back out and nibbling at my lip a little. “Let’s watch X-men, ya? I’ve never seen this one.”  
  
I laugh and place a kiss on his cheek. “Okayyyy Lou.”  
  
He pops in the movie and he settles himself in back of me, wrapping his legs around my waist.  
  
“You’re like a little monkey.” I say, resting my head on his shoulder.  
  
“As long as I’m your little monkey.” He says, and I don’t have to turn around to know that he was smiling.  
  
~*~  
  
Halfway through the movie Louis pauses it and I turn around to face him. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking. What if he we had super powers? Like not like the average kind, but more like the weird kind like Storm or even Rouge?”  
  
His question makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. He doesn’t know about my power, or ability— whatever, and I don’t know. I want to tell him, but I know it’s best if I don’t. Maybe one day I will, I know I will. I’ve thought about it many times. I’ll tell him one day, but today’s not the day.  
  
Louis pokes me in my head interrupting me from my thoughts and says, “Hello? Is anybody there?!”  
  
I laugh and flick his hand away.  
  
“What would your super power be?” Louis asks.  
  
“Hmm ugh I don’t know maybe flying?” I say, not looking at him in the eyes.  
  
Louis rolls his eyes and says, “So typical. I think I’ll like want to be able to read minds or maybe have the power to heal people. Like if they’re sick or whatnot.” He says.  
  
“Well that’s a first.”  
  
“What reading minds or the healing?” He questions.  
  
“The second one. You know in a way I think you already do that.”  
  
“What do you mean?” He asks, intertwining his fingers with mine.  
  
“Well you’ve healed me in a way. You were a main reason why I stopped living my life like such a routine. You were and still are there for me whenever I need you. You always know what to do, and what to say at the perfect time. I don’t know. I-I guess you’re just a really great person. You’re always looking out for people, and putting others in front of you. Putting me in front of you. I-I thank you, Louis.”  
  
Louis doesn’t say anything. Instead he just wraps his strong arms around my waist and pulls me in close to him. We stay like that for a while, the only noise we hear is the sounds of breaths, and the occasional hum from Louis.  
  
“Don’t thank me. I told you that I was always going to be there for you, Harry. I made a promise and  
I’m going to keep it.” Louis says and he places a kiss on my forehead.  
  
“Okay?” Louis asks, looking deep into my eyes.  
  
“O-okay.” I stutter out.  
  
He kisses me again and loosens his arms around me.  
  
“Let’s finish watching this movie, yeah?” He asks, already pressing play on the movie.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
The movie starts but I don’t even pay attention to it. My mind is too consumed with thoughts of Louis. Lately, he’s everything that I think about. Even when I’m trying not to think about him, I still think about him. I don’t know what I did to deserve such an amazing guy, but I’m glad that he’s mine now. He’s mine, and I’m never going to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now wasn’t that sweet? Enjoy it, because a whole lot of angst is coming up! We’re posting chapter 12 tomorrow. This story has like around six chapters left by the way! I’m glad you guys are still enjoying it (: Comment/Kudos/Subscribe as always!!!


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the angst begins. Don’t worry, there’s still a bit of fluff in the beginning. Penelope and I really love this chapter and we hope you guys do too. We posted Chapter 11 yesterday if anyone missed it. Happy Readings– haha well not really.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, and so did the next few days. It is true how they say that time goes by faster when you’re having fun. I have learnt so much about Louis in the past few days. Like how he likes too much syrup on his pancakes. How he can’t stand Ke$ha, but really likes Britney Spears. Although he has a bit more of a wild taste in music, like Sleeping With Sirens, Bring Me The Horizon, Two Door Cinema Club, Augustana and Britney are like secret pleasures of his. He has admitted to quite enjoying any kind of music, though those are some of the bands he prefers. I on the other hand, like indie a little more, like Death Cab For Cutie, and Mumford and Sons.  
  
Like me, he loves to read, although, we do have quite different taste in books. He’s into the classics, like Catcher in the Rye, Lord of the Flies, and even To Kill a Mockingbird. He was able to go on about Catcher in the Rye for hours, trying to explain to me exactly what was up with Holden. I had tried to read it after we talked, but I wasn’t able to connect with the character. My taste in books is more of the modern books, like Hunger Games, The Maze Runner, or Harry Potter. The latter is my all-time favorite. I have read all of them too many times. I may or may not have bawled my eyes out at the end of the last movie. Louis sympathizes with me, because he still can’t watch the last one without a box of Kleenexes with him.  
  
For someone with all these tattoos and piercings, he’s quite the teddy bear. He’s all tough on the outside, but quite squishy and fluffy inside.  
  
It honestly feels as though I keep falling more and more for him every day. It’s scary how fast I have fallen for him, and even more scarier how strong and profound those feelings that I have for him are.  
It comforts me knowing that Louis feels the same.  
  
I know he does.  
  
With every stolen glance and every lingering touch, he proves to me that he has fallen too. Since our first date, we have yet to spend a day without seeing each other. I don’t mind, and neither does Des. He’s glad that I have some one, especially someone who knows how to make a good home cooked meal for the three of us.  
  
It seems like Louis can do anything. He cooks, draws, and sings. His voice is another thing that I love about him. It’s so sweet yet raspy. He sang to me yesterday. I don’t even remember what the song was about, but all I remembered is that I didn’t want him to stop singing. I never want to forget the sound of his lovely voice that sends shivers down my spine. I want to wake up to his sweet yet extremely loud hums in the morning, and go to sleep to his muttering about nonsense in the night.  
  
To me, Louis is perfect. And I’m not even talking about his gorgeous exterior, but I’m talking about his interior, that’s even more gorgeous. The way his mind works is so much different from anyone else I know. He’s so outspoken, and brave, yet he is never vain. But most of all, he’s honest. Up to this day, he has yet to lie to me. It took me a while to get used to not having the truth come to me like it does with everyone else. With him, it’s all clear. No lies, only truth.  
  
It’s so refreshing.  
  
When I was younger it took me a while to understand my abilities, and why did people lie, and why they didn’t lie. It took me even longer to get used to it. It feels like déjà vu, but this time I have to get used to no lies. Louis and Des have barely ever been lying, and I haven’t really been talking to anyone else, other than when I have to. I am so glad to have Louis.  
  
It sucks that I don’t have Niall and Liam with me though. But I am happy that Zayn has them. I hate how much Louis and I have hurt him, so it’s nice to see that Niall and Liam are helping him through this. I’ve actually been thinking of going to talk to him, but things are just so perfect for me right now, I just don’t want to deal with it. I know it’s selfish, but I spent a lot of my time running to him whenever he called, it’s my turn to think about myself. Louis agrees.  
  
Louis also agrees that I have much less routine in my life. Other than the essential routine of getting up and going to school, the rest is up for grabs. I rarely ever plan anything, and we haven’t done anything more than once. I like this new feeling to everything; it gives me much more to look forward to in life.  
  
Right now, I’m looking forward to Louis’ kiss. I’m waiting for him after school. He texted me a few minutes ago, telling me he should be here in a few minutes.  
  
As I pull out my phone to text him, I hear a horn blare, and there he is. I can’t help the huge smile that makes its way onto my face when I see him as I make my way to his car. I fell for him hard and fast and I don’t regret it.  
  
“Hey babe,” I say as I sit down in the passenger seat.  
  
“Hey,” he says as he pulls me in for a kiss.  
  
~*~  
  
We ended up going to my house and after making dinner for ourselves, and leaving a plate for Des, we settle in for a movie. This time it’s Wreak-It Ralph. Seems pretty cute, and both Louis and I are suckers for a good animated movie.  
  
We end up talking about anything and everything, while the movie plays as background noise. Around the part where Ralph is in the game with the bugs, we quiet down a bit.  
  
“Hey Harry?” starts Louis.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Was Zayn your first boyfriend?” he asks timidly.  
  
“He was my first everything, really,” I answer. “First kiss, first time, first date.”  
  
“Do you regret it?” he says as he looks deep into my eyes.  
  
“No I don’t, to be honest. I regret how it ended, but I don’t regret starting it. It was a hard relationship, but we cared for each other in some ways, so it wasn’t a complete loss really. I just want us all to be friends again.”  
  
I wanted to be as honest as I can; Louis is, so why shouldn’t I return the favor?  
  
“I get that,” he says sending me a small smile.  
  
“Do you regret your past relationships?” I decide to ask him.  
  
“I never really had many relationships. Most of them were just one time things. There are only two really that I consider actual relationships. My first boyfriend, Stan, was more of just a fuck buddy. We both just used each other for sex. Neither of us minded really. Robin, on the other hand, was completely different, but very alike when it came to the sex part. Our relationship revolved around sex, but also of me trying to convince myself that he hit me because he was scared of losing me. I know that makes absolutely no sense now, but that was what I believed back then.”  
  
I gasp. I can’t believe it. I had guessed as much from the last conversation about Robin, but I had hoped that it wasn’t like that.  
  
“What?” I whisper.  
  
He sighs before continuing.  
  
“Lou, babe, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”  
  
“I want to, I need to,” he says, meeting his blue eyes with my green.  
  
“Only, if you’re sure.”  
  
“I am, don’t worry,” he says, and I can tell that he really does want to.  
  
“Then go ahead,” I say giving him a quick kiss and wrapping him in my arms.  
  
“Yeah, so when it started, it was amazing with him. I thought he was my forever. But once the relationship started getting serious, so did him. Everything was picture perfect, then I said something to piss him off, and he hit me. We started a very sick and twisted circle. He would get mad and hit me, then apologize, and then we would have make-up sex. It was when I started apologizing for stuff I didn’t do that I finally realized that it was all wrong.”  
  
“What did you do then?”  
  
“I told my parents. My dad couldn’t believe that I let a guy hit me like that, my mom was mostly crying and comforting me. They accompanied me to the police. At first they didn’t believe me, thinking that guys couldn’t be abused, it was guys that did the abusing. I showed them the bruises and then they believed me. I ended up complaining about that and they needed to go through ‘sensitivity training’, I found that a bit funny.”  
  
He didn’t seem like he was too affected by it. Then again, this is Louis. One of the reasons I fell for him is because of how strong he is.  
  
I kiss him chastely on the lips and give him a smile. He smiles back, and I’m reassured that he is actually okay.  
  
“Then what happened?” I ask.  
  
“He went to jail. I don’t really know anymore, but who cares, that’s a part of my life that doesn’t really matter. All that matters to me now is you.”  
  
He places a kiss on my hand and squeezes it.  
  
“Do you regret it?” I ask after a bit of silence.  
  
“No. I regret letting it go on for as long as it did, but I don’t regret it. When he wasn’t hitting me, he was actually really sweet, and I think that’s why it took me so long to leave him. That’s what I meant when I said I get it. They care for you, but they can also hurt you. It sucks, but that’s the way it is.”  
  
“It does.”  
  
“I think that’s what the problem with love and feelings and all that, ya know? You put so much of yourself out there, you put so much trust in someone else. With feeling and love, we actually let people hurt us.”  
  
He has a point and I understand what he means. You let people in, only to give them the chance to hurt you.  
  
“That’s true, I think that’s why I had such a hard time getting close to people; I didn’t want to get hurt. At the same time though, you make it seem like you don’t really believe in love.”  
  
“I do, I really do, Haz. The reason I do, is because of the same reason I stayed with him for so long. While they don’t hurt you, you get to be on cloud nine. Everything is perfect, right until they hurt you all over again.”  
  
“I won’t hurt you, Lou. I don’t think I can ever hurt you.”  
  
“I know you won’t, as least, I know you won’t hurt me purposefully.”  
  
I look at him to see the honesty in his eyes. The fact that after all he’s been through, he can tell me this, let’s me know just how much he does care for me. It’s nice to know he cares for me almost as much as I do him.  
  
We look back and the movie is at the part where they are racing. Vanellope von Schweetz is quite cute. Her determination reminds me of Louis.  
  
“Hey, Louis?” It was my turn to start a complicated topic.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Did you and… um never mind,” I change my mind about asking, because I’m not sure if I want to know the answer.  
  
“What? Babe, you can ask me anything,” he says while he grabs my cheek to make me look at him.  
  
“Didyouandzayneverdoanythingtogether?” I say fast and quietly.  
  
“Babe, whatever it is you can ask, just take a breath. I’m not going to be mad.”  
  
I take a breath and,  
  
“Did you and Zayn ever do anything together?”  
  
He laughs, looking at me while he shakes his head.  
  
“That’s what you were so worried about asking?”  
  
I nod while I feel a blush creep into my cheeks.  
  
“No we didn’t, we were always best friends.”  _Yes we did, we stayed best friends._  
  
Wait… What…  
  
“I said ‘No we didn’t, we were always best friends’.”  _Yes we did, we stayed best friends._  
  
I didn’t know I had said that out loud, but still, there was no way he could have lied. This is Louis. He doesn’t lie. Something is wrong here.  
  
“So, you and Zayn never had anything going on.”  
  
“No we didn’t.”  
  
See no lies. We’re good. Everything is okay. Crisis averted. Thank the Lord.  
  
“Nothing happened between Zayn and I, we never did anything, and we never dated. What’s with you?” he says, concerned.  _Zayn was my first, we had sex, but we never dated._  
  
“YOU WHAT? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!” I yell, jumping off the bed.  
  
Why would he lie to me?  
  
“What is going on here?” he says with a confused frown upon his face, while he follows me off the bed.  
  
“How could you. I can’t believe this. Everything was so good. But you had to do this? Why?”  
  
I’m absolutely frantic. I just… Why? I need… I need to get out of here.  
  
“Babe, calm down, tell me what’s wrong.”  
  
He tries to wrap his arms around me. I push him away and he falls back.  
  
“No, you don’t call me babe, not anymore.”  
  
I look away from him and see the movie. It’s at the part where Vanellope von Schweetz can’t get through the barrier out of the game and has to be left behind.  
  
The look on her face matches mine, as I turn to look back at Louis once more, before running out of the house.  
  
~*~  
  
I get out of the house as fast as I can, not even caring that I left Louis alone there. I don’t even know where the fuck I’m heading. I feel dizzy, and everything around me seems blurry. I can’t even see straight. All I see is a mass of blurry dots mingled in together. There’s no fixed point, no guide, no Louis, just dots.  
  
I feel so suffocated, like the air that I’m breathing in is nothing but a poisonous gas, killing me with every inhale I make.  
  
Was I overreacting? Should I have let Louis explain himself? Did I make a mistake by running out of the house? No– fuck I can’t be thinking like this! Louis lied to me.  
  
He lied to me. Out of all the people who’ve ever lied to me, and out of all the lies that I have ever heard, this one hurt the most. I don’t even know what hurts the most, that Louis lied to me, or the actual lie. I can’t even– fucklouisliedtome.  
  
Louis was supposed to be different, he gave me hope that there was good people in the world. Now he’s just like the rest of them. He’s a liar like everyone else. He’s no different.  
  
I keep hearing this stupid fucking voice in my head telling me to calm down and think things through, and to go back to my house. I stop in my tracks after running for God knows how long. That little voice keeps telling me to be reasonable and that maybe Louis was trying to protect me. Is that little voice right?  
  
Should I turn around?  
  
The little voice is replaced by a louder angrier voice telling me that Louis deceived me, and that if I go back home, Louis will probably keep on lying. I can’t bare that. Louis is just not the one to lie. Why would he lie to me?  
  
Maybe he has been lying all the time and my ability had a bit of a glitch.  
  
No.  
  
I know that’s not true. Louis meant every word he ever told me. I know he did. Even if I didn’t have this stupid fucking ability, every time he told me something, I felt it in my heart that he wasn’t lying. His blue eyes were as clear as the ocean, with no regrets, no inner indecisiveness. I appreciate that, but now he has lied to me, and I really don’t know what to even do or say.  
  
So I keep running.  
  
I run and run, before a thought passes through the jumbled mess. He slept with Zayn.  
  
I stop again. I focus on this one thought. Zayn and Louis. Zayn was Louis’ first. I think about how I feel about it. I realize that this doesn’t bother me. What so ever. It has nothing to do with me, other than the fact that Louis and I have that in common. It’s here that it becomes clear to me that it was the fact that he lied to me that really hurt me. That he messed this up. What we had was good. It was nice. I couldn’t care less who he has slept with, he never lied to me about the rest of his “conquests”, so why now. Why is it that he feels the need to lie to me about this?  
  
My thoughts become even more of jumbled mess, trying to figure out why this has all happened. I start walking again. I don’t know where my feet are taking me; my mind is too preoccupied to care. I keep walking and walking and walking. This takes a lot less out of me than the running. I get lost in my head, before I even get the chance to make sense of things again. I just can’t deal with this right now.  
  
Everything is still a mass of blurry dots, and soon the night is creeping in. My feet feel tired, and I can’t help but to stop again.  
  
I’m suddenly in front of a house. It looks familiar. I knock on the door out of curiosity. I’ve already lost everything.  
  
Everything.  
  
It’s all gone.  
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
I look up at Zayn’s face. The dark skin of his forehead pulled into a frown.  
  
My eyes meet his, and I breakdown.  
  
And then everything turns into a mass of blurry dots again. This time, the mass of blurry dots are caused by my overflowing tears, clouding my vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you guys didn’t get accustomed to the fluff, because the angst is back baby. Oh and this is nothing compared to the next couple of chapters. (; Feedback is always welcomed. Comment/Kudos/Subscribe


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter...

I woke up with my cheeks all wet and a pounding headache. I try to my open my eyes but they feel too heavy to open, so I just leave them closed and rub them gently. I stay like that for a while, just rubbing my eyes and yawning, before I hear someone call out my name. I can’t make out who the person is by their sound of their voice but it sounds so familiar. Like I’ve heard it before, but not for a while.

I open my eyes and I see hazel eyes staring down at me. Zayn.

And then everything starts coming back to me. The talk with Louis. The lies. God the lies. I can’t believe he lied to me. I keep telling myself that this was all a dream and that I was imagining things, but I know the truth. The truth is that Louis lied to me. He fucking lied to me and he can’t even admit to it.

I don’t even know why I’m in Zayn’s house. I know that I was just running around and then I don’t know. I guess I just let my feet take me wherever they wanted to go because somehow I ended up in Zayn’s house. Zayn is the last person that I want to talk to about my problems.

I just want to go home. Ugh home. I can’t even go home because knowing Louis, he’s probably still there waiting for me. I don’t know. Maybe he’s gone. Maybe he left. It’ll be better if he left. I don’t want to have to face him.

I look up again and Zayn’s still staring at me. It’s kind of making me feel uncomfortable.

“So….” Zayn starts.

“So… yeah I’m going to leave. Thanks for letting me in I guess.” I say. I make to get up off Zayn’s living room couch but he places a hand on my shoulder and tells me to sit. He looks at me with so much concern in his eyes and I literally blink a couple of times just to make sure my vision wasn’t fooling me. Zayn looked like he was actually worried about me.

“Please just sit and tell me what happened, you cant have expected to show up like that and not have to talk.” He says. He sits on the couch across from me and nudges me to start talking.

“No offence, but you’re really last the person I want to talk right now.”

Zayn rolls his eyes at me and laughs. “Listen Harry, you’re not really a pretty sight for my sore eyes― well not anymore, and ugh, well I don’t really want to talk to you either, but we can’t keep acting like this. We can’t keep running away from our problems-”

I interrupt Zayn with a series of loud and exaggerated coughs. Who the hell is he to even say that? He’s always running away from his problems! Or in other words, he’s always fighting his problems away.

“I’m fucking serious Harry! These past few weeks have been tough on me, okay? I’m just seeing things clearer.” He runs a hand through his dark hair and continues, “I fucked up. I know I did. I fucked up big time. I shouldn’t have punched Louis in the face. I guess I was just so mad that my life was crumbling to pieces and I don’t know. I blamed everything on him. Well not everything. I blamed things on you too, but I’m not the only one who fucked up here. You did too. You ran away with Louis, and you didn’t even confront me. You didn’t even care to tell me. I had to see you making out with Louis to find out.”

“I-I don’t know what to say. I guess I’m sorry. No I really am sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you.” I said.

We didn’t say anything for a while. We just sat there with an unspoken agreement to tie up all of our loose strings later.

“So are you going to tell me what happened to you?” Zayn asks.

“I don’t know if you want to hear.”

I don’t think I should tell Zayn what happened between me and Louis. For starters it’s non of his business, and also I’m going to have to tell him that I know what went down between him and Louis.

“Well to be honest, at this point it doesn’t really matter. Just tell me. I know it’s killing you inside.” Zayn said.

I can tell how worried he is just by the tone of his voice. Since when was Zayn ever so worried about me? It’s a bit weird, but he’s right. It is killing me inside. I need to talk about it.

“Okay.”

“Okay so what happened?” Zayn asks.

“We had a huge fight and I ran off.”

“You and Louis? So what? Shit happens, why don’t you call him? I’m sure things will be alright.”  
Why was Zayn giving me advice on relationships? This all just feels like a weird ass dream.

“No you don’t understand. H-he lied to me. Zayn he lied to me. And then when I told him to tell me the truth, he kept on fucking lying to me!”

Zayn just stared at me. He just looked at me with more concern and what looks to be a little bit of sadness in his eyes before saying, “How do you even know he lied? Louis’ a pretty honest man. I mean I don’t know why, but as long as I have known him, he’s always been honest with me. Even with the bad things.”

“Whatever. I just know okay? Louis was one of the only fucking people that never lied to me, that was always so honest and up front with me about everything, and now he chooses to lie to me? This is just fucking ridiculous.”

“What did he even lie about?”

I already told Zayn too much but I don’t know. I guess it won’t hurt anybody if I tell him.

“We were just talking about things, and I asked him if you two ever had something going on, and well he denied it. I asked him again and he lied about it.”

“How the hell do you even know that?” Zayn asks confusedly.

Fuck. Now I’m really screwed. I can’t just tell him that I’m a human lie detector. He’ll think I’m nuts. I guess I have to lie. I’m such a hypocrite.

“Uh you told me when you were drunk one day.” I lie.

“What I did? Oh um oops?”

“Oops indeed.”

“Look Harry it’s really nothing to worry about. We just had sex. It wasn’t even good sex because we were both pissed drunk. I don’t even think it counts.” Zayn says.

So it was drunk sex. But still why couldn’t he just tell me! I’m not even that mad that they had sex I just can’t believe he lied to me over something so stupid.

“Why are you still upset?” Zayn says, interrupting my thoughts.

“I just don’t understand why he lied to me over something so stupid, ya know? Like why couldn’t he just tell me. I bet we would of just talked it out and had a real good laugh but now everything’s different.”

“Do you think that maybe he was just trying to protect you or not hurt you?”

“How is lying to me protecting me in anyway?”

“Well for starters, I see why he did it. I mean I bet you didn’t even want to hear my name spoken, so imagine if he would of told you that? He probably thought that you were going to be really upset and he didn’t want to do that. I’m sure he’s really sorry that he lied to you, but you can’t just end things with him over something so stupid. I hate to say this, but you’re really over reacting. People lie. He may be one of the most honest people we know, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t ever lie. Humans are like programmed or some shit, to lie. Some lies are good some are bad. Like lying about killing someone, that’s bad, but lying to six year old about Santa, that’s good. And as bad as it is, his lie hurt you, but the way you over reacted, hurt him too.”

I don’t say anything. I just begin to cry. Why am I so weak? Why I can’t be strong for once? I keep on crying and Zayn passes me some tissues and lays a hand on my shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asks, after I calmed down a little.

“I’m alright.”

“Harry I think you should talk to him. Go and find him and apologize for running off, and let him explain himself. Don’t just ignore him until you can’t do anything about it anymore. You’re going to regret it. Trust me.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. It still hurt.”

“No Harry you have to do that. I screwed up my chances with you, an my life is pretty messed up right now but I’m getting better. I even started taking some therapy. If I can try, I know you can too. Don’t let this stupid fight be the end for the two of you. Remember, he might have hurt you, but you hurt him, so promise me you’ll go and find him and work things through with him?”

“I-I promise.”

And then Zayn helped me get up from the couch and walked me to his door.

“Everything is going to be alright okay.” Zayn says.

“Thank you. I don’t know what has gotten into you, and I know we still have to talk about other things, but thank you for talking to me.”

“No problem. Just go and talk to Louis. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, okay.” I say.

Zayn closes his front door and I start walking out of his front lawn and into the streets. I check my phone and I have 10 missed calls and 23 new messages. All from Louis.

~*~

I wait till I get back home before I even think of calling Louis back. I know it’s spiteful, but it still hurt. Maybe I was over reacting. I don’t know why he lied to me, and maybe it wouldn’t have killed me to stick around to see why, and then decide whether or not to run off into the sunset.

On top of that, a part of me was hoping that Louis had stayed here last night. It would maybe help prove Zayn wrong. If he stayed, that means that maybe I hadn’t hurt him as badly as Zayn thinks, but if he left, that means that he was right.

So please God let Louis still be here.

~*~

The house is quiet and his car wasn’t there. That can’t be good. I walk into my kitchen, and Des is sitting there with some tea waiting for me. I guess it’s already time for another one of our talks. This means he did leave. I can’t help but be sad as to what that means.

“Don’t look so disappointed that I’m not him,” says Des.

“I really hoped he would be here.”

“I know, but if it helps at all, he only left about an hour ago. He was going to stay, but I wanted him to go and get cleaned up and what not. I thought you would need space too, seeing as when I got home late from work last night; he was the one I found sulking in your room. I kind of freaked out though, before I knew what was going on.”

“How bad was it?”

“When I yelled at him? Or after that, when he had broken down, telling me ‘how badly he messed up and hated himself for it’. He wasn’t really acting like himself at that point.”

“Oh God…”

I guess it did hurt him. I really am selfish. I ran out, wanting to get away, thinking only of myself. I get that I wasn’t actually thinking, but not until earlier when Zayn brought it up, that was when I finally thought about how my little stunt would have affected Louis. If it hurt him so badly that he wasn’t himself then it had to be bad. I really have to fix this.

“You have to fix this Harry.” I hate when Des does that creepy mind reading thing parents do.

“I know, it’s just that we hurt each other. Bad. I want space. But I know we can’t afford to waste more time. We’ve spent too much time playing cat and mouse, now’s not the time to start again. I was hoping that he would still be here, make it easier…” I trail off.

“You also thought it would mean that you hadn’t hurt him.”

“Yeah…”

“Well you did. He and I had a talk last night, and again this morning. He really cares for you. He’s hurt. From what he tells me, you over reacted. All I could say was ‘that’s Harry for you’.”

“I know I over reacted, now anyway.”

“Then go fix this.”

At this point we’ve both finished our teas. I look down at my hands. I thought I was doing so well, But again I had to royallly mess things up all over again. And again, it feels as though everyone is against me. It’s my fault though, I really can’t do anything right.

“I’m going to, don’t worry dad,” I say, getting up and putting my coat back on.

“I’ll see you later I guess.”

“See you dad, Love you.”

“Love you too, son.”

~*~

As I walk towards his house I try to call him, but to no avail. I only get his voice mail the three times I call. I remember how he only brought me to his house once. And he made sure his grandmother wasn’t there, muttering something about her embarrassing him. I was a little mad, because I thought he was ashamed of me. He went on about how his grandmother is a lovely person and knows all about me, but he doesn’t want her to make me feel uncomfortable. He promised that he would eventually bring me over to meet her.

I check my phone for the time to see he hasn’t returned my calls. I see in my missed calls that the most recent one is an unknown number. I call it wondering who it was.

“Hello?” says a female voice.

“Hi, can I ask who I’m speaking to?” I answer, trying to sound as polite as I am.

“Dolly Tomlinson, who’s asking,” she says.

Tomlinson, wait that has to be Louis grandmother, at least I hope so.

“Are you Louis grandmother?”

“Yes, can I help you with something?”

“I’m Harry I-” she cuts me off.

“Oh, so you’re Harry. Louis told me quite a lot about you. He wouldn’t stop going on about your eyes. Or your hair, he says it’s quite curly, and very messy, but he says it suits you very well. He also told me how much he loves your hands. ‘They are so big’ he says to me. I’ve been asking him to bring you over for dinner, but he says that he doesn’t want me to embarrass him, or you. I can’t see why I would. Oh, he even mentioned to me how ‘phenomenal’ kissing you is.”

I can’t help but blush to her speech. I get where Louis learned how to talk a mile a minute. I could tell her expression just from her voice, another trait Louis learned from her. I could almost see the air quotes around phenomenal.

“Well, I’m kind of on my way there as we speak, would Louis be there by any chance?”

“Oh I’ll prepare some sandwiches for us. And he is, but he’s in the shower right now. Would you be coming over have something to do with why Louis was acting oddly and rushed around and cleaned the house before freaking out because he needed to take a shower?”

“Um, yeah, I think so.”

“Good, hurry on over.”

She hung up before a bye could be said. They are way too alike. I keep walking, hoping that I remember how to get there.

~*~

I finally reach his street, and that’s when my nerves finally come in. What if he doesn’t want to forgive me for this? What if he’s panicking because he doesn’t know how to break up with me?

These thoughts plague my mind as I stand across the street from his house.

“HARRY!”

I look up and there he is. He’s half naked and there’s water dripping down his chest. Guess he just got out of the shower.

He starts running towards me. I have moment of happiness. If he’s this happy to see me, maybe that means that things will be okay.

A grin breaks out on my face as he reaches the road. I go to step out to meet him when I hear a sickening screech of tires and pavement. I look to watch in horror as Louis is hit in the side by a car.  
His body hits the hood. The sound of his skin slapping against the hood reach my ears as his head cracks the windshield. His body tumbles and rolls over the car, disappearing behind the car. A final thump is heard as his body hits the pavement.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, but my mind processed every agonizing second of it, making everything in slow motion. My mind finally registers someone screaming. It takes me a few moments to realize the screaming is coming from me, before I rush over.

His body is limp on the ground, a pool of blood forming by his head. His leg is a shape it shouldn’t be, and a large gash disappears into his hair from his forehead.

I fall beside him and grab his body.

“LOUIS, Louis, please, baby, please.”

I don’t exactly know what I’m pleading for.

“Yes, 911, we need an ambulance…”

I hear someone on the phone behind me, but I just keep holding Louis and whispering incoherent things to him.

“Harry,” he mumbles weakly.

I gasp and I look to see him with one eye open staring at me.

“Louis, please stay with me, please be okay.”

“I will, Haz, I will.”

“Oh Louis”

A tear falls onto his face.

Suddenly someone is trying to pull him away from me.

“Louis, no,” I cry, holding him tighter.

“Haz, I’m so sorry for what I did,” he says before he slumps in my arms, hanging there lifelessly.

“No, Louis, NOOO!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a crazy ass chapter :) Poor Louis... But shit happens. :D comment/subscribe/kudos


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